Ente Bajjett

I would like to present my personal bubble for the year, without predijuce..and pride. This year, I dream..sorry..I propose to build 5 new residential complexes worth Rs.26.47 crores. I also propose to build 10,00,000 square feet additional office space for IT at 24 different locations around my home, some of which you may be hearing for the first time, at an investment of Rs.1233.99 crores. I will decide later what to do with the 5,00,000 square feet which is already constructed but lying empty as there are no takers. Together this can create direct 5,00,000 jobs and over 10,00,000 indirect jobs (neighbours who dont mind working, please note).

I am allocating 50 lakhs for the welfare of my kitchen employees association, gardening and labour union, and drivers committee, as per the demands of their leaders, all of whom never work but still make demands. I promise to give some of them rice at Rs.2 and sell the balance at double the reserve price in the grey market. I am also imagining an airport in my backyard and also propose a metro rail system around my house, at an investment of Rs.9453.72 crores. I am also keeping aside Rs 14 crores to engage a consultant to study once again a byepass from the top to bottom of my plot and also the port I have been discussing since 1974. A few other projects which my predecessors and I have promised over the last several years worth a few thousands of crores will also be executed this year magically.

I have stopped sand mining, banned online lottery, and monopolised liquor sales for everyone else in my house, but these can be my sources of revenue. The chain of bars I own, which is the only one allowed to sell liquor officially, makes thousands of crores of profit every year. The addicted locals have been drinking so much on any and every given occasion, and so it is apt to give some money back for their health and maintain them as loyal customers. Also, there is too much ill talk about our locality becoming a hub for drunkards and liquor lobbyists. Ridiculous!. For this I plan to set up deaddiction centers right next to my bars, so that nobody will know which line my customers are in.

My conscience asked me who will protest if I hike the tax on alcohol and tobacco to maximum, instead of simply saying they are harmful to health, and reduce levies on healthcare, medicine, water, food and vegetables..I pretended not to know. I recently created an ad to promote my lotteries, with kids in it. I hope it will send the oppossite signal and will not inspire my kids to start gambling. My conscience asked me if lottery online is gambling and lottery offline is fine? I said I dont know.

By the by, my bank balance is still negative. I dont have a decent job despite being 100% literate! And I am relying on my brother to go to work at my neighbours office and send me enough money to sit idle and drink, and for my children's education. I have loans worth Rs.23,119.71 crores. I feel I am being ignored by the central..I mean, my parents..although they have provided me everything until a few hours back and I have turned to them for every need. I will ask my cook, gardener and driver to protest anyhow!

Anyway, all the above, and more, can be done if things go well and you vote me back to power..what am I saying..I meant if you continue to appreciate my jokes and say lovely things about me. If not, we will see how the next person who comes instead of me will manage all these very minor deficits and better the promises I made. LOL! Thank you, thank you.

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Kerala This Week Ver 5.02, 2010

Some time back, one of the posts here queried the readers "Where is the only place in the world that a malayali will stand in a queue?" and there was a resounding flurry of correct answers - the state run alcohol shoppes! So this time we are asking a slightly tougher question. Where is the only place in the world that a malayali will show discipline as well as follow traffic rules? Ahh..This time we are giving you the answer as well instead of testing your 100% literacy yet again! The alcohol shoppe again!! Yes, most of the people in the line at the "beverages" outlet wear their helmets! What if it is for a certain level of anonymity. Yet, we refuse to wear it on the road..all because it is a law? What a shame it will be to fall in line, to obey, and all that silly stuff. Those are not for us greater beings, they say; those are just means to impose and restrict the "freedom" of the "common man".

So what if we overtake from the left, or park in front of a No Parking sign, cut through a one way lane? Is it not this attitude and arrogance that converts into road rage and sheer disregard for traffic sense that makes our state one of the toppers when it comes to road accidents and related deaths? Last week there was a report that a 75 kilometer stretch of highway down south kills nearly 150 people every year and injures others several fold. The state police needs to be commended for initiating several awareness programs as well as enforcement plans. However, it is important that we the people cooperate with these great initiatives. If you get caught by a cop, dont bribe him, dont say your dad is a politician, and dont make excuses - just pay the fine, get the receipt and remember the rule. Thats progress and the educated response which will take us forward.

According to an official report given in the news, Kerala has nearly 55,167 people infected by HIV. This information dissemination was a prelude to the arrival of the Red Ribbon Express, a wonderful awareness initiative against the spread of HIV, in the state later this week. Wonder if some people are perhaps misinterpreting the color red. As the saying goes, spread love and peace, not the virus!

Taking the piracy-walas head on, cops have initiated a strong campaign. According to reports, nearly 2,500 raids were made in a single month which fetched over 18,000 fake CDs! And apparently, repeated offenders will be booked under the Goonda act! Looks like someone is showing guts, and it is no wonder the cell is headed by a woman. Lets hope they also show the same mettle and turn on the heat against organized crime and the goons as well.

Talking about heat, the weatherman from our little state says that the sun is already blazing and the temperatures are rocketing along with the prices. There is no instruction yet on what we are allowed to drink this summer. Colas are banned, milk is short, and someone told me water is yet to come from Japan. No wonder theres a long line in front of the "beverages" outlet. Alright, let me get my helmet and go stand in line.



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Mishaps, Tragedies, and Voices from the Grave

Every day we see an uglier face of our intolerance, crudeness and apathy. Whether its a national party expelling one its most prominent face for expressing his opinion, an MP being pestered for tweeting spontaneously, or the media being attacked for weighing all sides of the truth, it is something the judicial and social system needs to take a good strong look at. The freedom and privacy of an individual and the independence of the governmental machinery need to be preserved, for that is the very spirit of our constitution. But do we always need a mishap, tragedy or death to make us listen? Are we ever-willing to suffer and lose our loved ones before we consider change? It appears so.

The leaders we have elected conveniently forget their constitutional and democratic obligations. They seldom realize that people are more bothered about their daily bread,living in peace, good quality education for their children, having employment opportunities, and such simpler things of life. How many jobs has our government created in reality? Are we able to live and walk around in peace and security anymore? Are our children faring as good as our neighbours when it comes to the education our universities offer? These are more real and immediate questions in front of the people, and things we need to be secure about, before we worry about the ASEAN pact and responsible tourism.

Speaking of which, who is responsible for the Thekkady boat tragedy? Kerala Tourism earned Rs. 13130 crores in 2008, but what part of this money goes into the infrastructure and safety? If the boat that capsized was privately owned, wouldnt heads have rolled and fury been unleashed against privatization?

Newspapers have reported that officially 2467 persons died in road accidents in Kerala this year with 28,100 people getting injured. Where are the crores levied as road tax and license fees? Where does all the crores received from the central assistance and national funds go? Rs.7000 crores were written off and added to the state budget deficit to save the KSRTC. But what is going to save the people and their misery?

We have been worrying about the increasing number of crimes in Kerala for some time now, and about the criminal-politician links, and the paralyzing of the police and legal machinery by politicians. While the state chose to remain silent through all the daily attacks, thefts, and murders, it took a prominent figure to be murdered to stun the system and our people to take notice. Yet, what unfolded was a greater shock and sheer mockery of the policing and legal system in the state, but it is best left to the mainstream media to unravel further. It couldnt have come at a worse time, but we also won the award for the state with the best law and order. Kudos to our people for staying sane and calm, even while being under fear and worry. For it is the people who have earned it, not the government, and they earned it despite the law and order system of the state.

Why do we hate to listen to the truthful statements and honest expressions? Why do we let ourselves be treated like donkeys? Will we always like to live in this imaginary bubble, bloated by ego and denial? Will we always need to pay a price for telling the truth or even listening to it? Will we also need voices from the grave in the end to wake up? It appears so.

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Where the Police is Paralyzed..Goon's Own Country

Last month, the Kerala High Court cornered the Kerala Government in view of the pathetic law and order situation in the state, and the politically influenced paralysis of the policing system. Of course, the political clowns went on to accuse and abuse the judiciary for coming to the rescue of the hapless citizens.

Every day our newspapers are filled with news about thefts, robberies, attempted murders, acts of rage, and killings, all backed by the political parties waiting to bail them out. And we also hear how the government is dismissing criminal proceedings against their party workers, releasing criminals with political backing from jails, and such other nasty things, instead of protecting the people.

Today's paper had a very interesting news piece, which aptly portrays the pathetic situation in the state. So shameful! Read on, and think of the rut we are in. And please vote for the upcoming elections, and every other election. Jaago re!


Nine hurt in goonda attack

Express News Service First Published : 07 Apr 2009 07:46:58 AM IST
Last Updated : 07 Apr 2009 11:22:56 AM IST

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: Six police personel and three members of a family was injured at a goonda attack at Madhavapuram near Veli on Monday night.

The incident occurred when a goonda gang attacked the house of one Sunil alleging that he was a police informer. Sunil and his parents were injured in the attack.

Following this, local police informed the Police control room who handed over the message to Veliyathura police. The goonda gang resorted to stone throwing when the police team reached the spot. The attack was carried out by a gang led by goonda leader Ani alias Swarnapallan Ani.

Veliyathura SI K.J. Jonson, Probation SI Mohammed Khan, and constables Valsalan, Albert, Rajan and Sanal were injured in the attack. They have been admitted to the General Hospital.

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Capital Punishment

When it comes to being DOC, the capital city goes all the way to make sure there is no other contender. From dirty, violent politics to crude behavior, the city has gained a notorious name for itself, which refuses to be shaken off by the decent minority folks living in the city, who actually love the place (although maybe not really the people who co-inhabitate it!). The grapevine has it that things have sunk to such an extent that girls are now reluctant to marry guys from the city. And that the women in the city are praying for some reason to leave the place. So lets take a tour of the city and find out what is wrong with this beautiful city.

The biggest, and most obvious, problem is that it looks almost like all the criminals and goons of the malayali world have moved to the city to do what they do best, under the pretext of politics. As a result, the number of scumbags, thieves, and rowdies outnumber the civil and law abiding citizens, and the amount of negativity in the air is tremendous and depressing.

The situation is so bad that even the police force is now stunted and weakened, thanks to our "politicians" who support these criminals. So any murderer and thief, who has a local committee member or khadi-clad party worker to appear for his sake in front of the cops, has an assured escape - without any FIR or records. Over the years, this trend has become so big that today police stations are attacked and police are beaten up in case they dare to utter anything related to the word justice or law.

This politician-criminal nexus has spilt over to the streets as well, and the average guy you see in the city is emboldened by a similar notion. That results in a heightened level of aggression. You dare not challenge a roughian on the road, violating traffic rules and putting your and every other persons life in danger. Lest he abuses you and is ready to even slap the odd traffic cop who inadvertently is still in the scene. So dont get overtly upset by lane-jumping motorists, or the majority of drivers who park their vehicles wherever they want, even if it is the middle of the road, or the rampaging KSRTC driver (remember he is wearing khaki too), or the saffron-flag flaunting autorickshaw guy (beware!). No questions to be asked.

The spill doesnt end there. It has been there long enough to rot the education system in the capital, with even schools now being transformed to power hubs of party politics, with all the student wings of these parties forming their youth outfit crap. There is no focus on the education or the syllabus. The state board itself is rotting, and no match to CBSE or ICSE.

As a result, there is a growing number of unemployed youth since majority of these students ultimately find it difficult to match up to the quality and standards of students from other cities and states. The smarter ones leave the state itself for higher education, and usually never want to return. But this is exactly the need of the politicians, so that they have a greater workforce, ready to throw stones and chant slogans.

Which then leads to the stunted growth of the city and state since no industry or even agriculture thrives under these circumstances, with no constructive human workforce or healthy environment. The odd factory or institution that still manages to brave the government red tape and unfavorable state of affairs ultimately faces the challenges of a corrupt system and political parties out to suck their blood in the name of funds and crazy systems such as "nokku kooli".

Ultimately the city is left behind with nothing really, except a lot of ugly posters, frightful arches, and unsightly flexboards of politicians and parties (apparently the city corporation has supposedly banned all these, but obviously lost their balls since its their own party and leaders flouting the law) and daily demonstrations and marches. Of course, there is the 10 meter underpass and the widest road in the city (since decades, which is just a 4 lane road of around 2kilometers), and the Vizhinjam port (under discussion and "study" since 1974), the first technopark since 1994 (the first one with labour union as well, marking its own path to downfall), an international airport (only namesake, at least, so far), and many such bloated images to hide under

Well, it is time to make it known that the people of the city dont really care about all the trash and stink our politicians (what undignified clowns, really!) and their bloody workers are so obsessed with. We just want a clean and civil city which allows us to work in peace, earn our livelihood, educate our children for a better tomorrow, and enjoy the peace and beauty God has given us.

Let us make sure we vote. And make sure we vote only for the educated, civilized, dignified and competent people, who would really want to imrpove the state. If we dont have them, let the educated people get ready to enter politics and take reigns.

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In Kerala, its Better Jobless Than Ever!

A guy friend told me something very interesting recently. If you live in Kerala, its better to be one of the following, if not all: fat, dark, ugly faced or wearing a permanent scowl, shabbily dressed (or in a mundu folded up above your knees), have a criminal look, or most preferably, be jobless. Although I found it funny at that moment, over a period of time, I realized what made him come up with such a harshly truthful statement.

A couple of months ago, while I was waiting at a traffic signal, which clearly had the red light on it, two guys approached my car from behind and started honking and asking me to go (probably since there was not much traffic at the junction in any case). When I refused and pointed to the red light on the signal, the guys started abusing me. Although I didnt bother and instead told them to buzz off, it was clear how the goonda looking guys with their blonde-streaked hair, with golden bracelets along with saffron and black ties on their wrists, who apparently form the "poor and downtrodden" of Kerala, would have intimidated most of the rich and selfish people (since they own cars) in Kerala.

Around a month ago, a KSRTC bus rushing towards my car from behind, with no intention of slowing down despite it being a junction, scraped a good portion of my car's right doors. And when he had no intention of stopping, I overtook and made him stop very close to the junction. The cop who was standing there and witnessing the whole scene came and shouted at me for obstructing traffic and asked me to "take my car and go". The seemingly inebriated driver (I could sense the stink of alcohol around him, but wait, he is the poor common man of Kerala, lets salute him first) just looked at me below from his seat in the bus, with an evil look and a bit of pity. The passengers and the people who joined around started murmuring "onnum patteellello" "kondu poda" and other expressions of mallu concern, hinting at me to get lost. Probably they would have been a little more sensitive had I died or had a broken arm and was bleeding profusely, I hope.

A friend who runs a hotel (dont worry, not a star hotel, but just an ordinary restaurant serving "meals") was complaining about how he was harassed every day by different authorities (all affiliated to the mighty poor-man's group), right from the corporation health inspectors, to pollution board, and water authority, who would not go away unless they were bribed. Interestingly, bang opposite him was a petty shop serving food who flouted every law and was even obstructing the traffic, but was not bothered by any officer. He also mentioned that the petty shopwala was also a strong political supporter of a certain party, whereas he had no particular political affiliation, but started this hotel from the money he saved as a worker, along with a bank loan.

I have heard mallu men, and even some women, openly proclaim that women should not walk around in anything other than clothing that covers their entire body (probably would have been better off with a burkah). Otherwise dont blame the men if they get groped or molested or raped, since those women "asked for it". Women on the other hand are scared to dress up or wear clothes that they like, lest they displease the malayali macho man with stinking armpits and folded lungis (from the mighty, powerful common-man's group), waiting for them. I wonder if our women are pushed to the extreme of even overeating and slothing with an intention of getting ugly and fat thinking that they will be safer. Ofcourse, they are mistaken.

If you are dressed properly and step outside, you are looked down upon, usually by another mallu who probably earns more than you, but purely out of jealousy. At the clubs and so called social gatherings, if you are a christian, the trick is to incite the people around by dividing them as hindus and muslims, and to pass snideful comments. If you are a so-called ezhava, then its the nair and varma tag that is played to isolate you. Yes, this is also done so that the common man's rights and privileges can be protected!

But most importantly, if you have a job and work hard to earn your living, you will likely be isolated by the unemployed and jobless complaining that you snatched their opportunity (no matter that there is still plenty of opportunity, but they prefer to remain jobless and take the privileges that come with it). The thieves and criminals will rob you and harass you. The politicians and their party workers will fleece and threaten you till you contribute to their "fight for the poor". The government will definitely make sure all the rules are laid down (only for you) to make you suffer unless you "oil the system" generously, to the extent that you end up running away from the state when you realize its not worth risking your life and health.

Alright, lets not discuss all this publicly, but instead call for investments and talk about mega projects, and ofcourse, hold up our 100% literacy tag. Shhh..lets hide that god-darn report that says Pondichery overtook us on the education index (but not on 100% literacy, haha!!). Lets join the powerful and mighty group of the poor and downtrodden of Kerala, and then we also wont have to worry about our work and livelihood.

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Question Hour for Pinpricks?

The terrorists who plotted the attack in Mumbai must be shocked. For they lost their battle even before it ended; something they probably would have never imagined. Their attack united Indians in a very special way. The nation finally woke up and began asking questions as Indians, forgetting their religion, state, caste and all other less important tags created by divisive forces. And the lousy politicians we got so sickeningly used to, are being thrashed and cornered to assume responsibilities which form the very basis of their positions; the same responsibilities which they never ever expected to hear of while they slothed in arrogance and corruption. But an awakening at what cost? A big salute to our martyrs and heroes. May their souls rest in peace.

There are several questions that the Mumbai attacks have raised. But the biggest questions are the ones that will prick the conscience of every politician who is still remotely human. What about the others who have only manipulated the nation and divided it using religion, caste, ethnicity, crime and money? Its time to isolate them and shun them like the scums they really are. Venom against politicians is all over the nation. And rightfully so. The now famous SMS says it all: "Where is Raj Thackeray and his brave Sena? Tell him that 200 NSG commandos from all over India (No Marathi manoos) have been sent to Mumbai to fight the terrorists so that he can sleep peacefully - Mumbaikars". But how long will this energy last? Lets hope the constructive debates will be successful in channelising the energy into transforming the way we live and conduct ourselves every day. Lets constantly remind the politician that they are elected to serve the people, and not the other way around.

Back in our own little state, our Chief Minister had his foot in his mouth, yet again. Nobody in Kerala felt anything unusual about the comment. Some leaders said its expected of him, others said its his usual style; and yet others said its the same style that won him elections. But the rest of the nation said dogs are better than politicians, even as Kerala hung her head in shame, and wondered why our leaders wanted to mark their attendance at a Malayali martyrs house in Bangalore only two days after his funeral and incessant chiding from the media about the disrespect shown by their stark absence at the funeral.

Reminders of our totally paralysed administration and government are everywhere and are being shoved down our throats every day. But we, the people, remain mute spectators and suffer through the days, as though its normal and part of some elaborate ritual that needs to be silently performed in order to appease the Gods. Just as the Mumbai attack was a national tragedy, the politicians we have, and the system they have created, have all become a national shame. And it stinks, unbearably. Its time to get together and clean up the mess. Like someone very smart said, "(its) time to wrest politics from the politician's hands". Lets not wait for more reminders.

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State Number 1? Who are we fooling?

Picture this. A city in Kerala boasts of the first shopping mall in India, long before mall-mania caught up even in metros. But decades later, while every other city and town has opened up to the idea of providing better service, more choices, and higher quality products to its consumers, Kerala painfully lags behind, despite its initial headstart. Sometimes I feel that malayalis have failed to understand the meaning of "service". This lag pans across almost all the sectors and indices one can think of, be it healthcare, womens empowerment, education, agriculture, and pretty much every positive indicator of progress and development.

Ofcourse, one could argue and list out the number of new "shopping malls" that have come up in Thrissur or Trivandrum. A new "mall" that opens in Kerala, just for example, will inevitably have an "Ammus Fancy Store", a "Pretty Ladies Center", and a "Shanthi Bakery". Add to it a "Kailas IT and Communications Center" which sells mobile recharge cards and provides photostat services, and "Sheetal Multicuisine Restaurant" which will have chicken fried rice and chilly chicken in the menu.

Alright, now thats a wee bit of an exaggeration (just a little bit of humor, so the sensitive ones out there, please dont take it to heart) but the point is, despite headstarts and huge "first" advantages, we have literally fallen back on almost all fronts and stagnated. As citizens, we seldom have choice and continue to be stuck with whatever is thrust upon us. And without the power of choice, we can never call ourselves empowered or progressive.

The most classical example is of the Technopark in Trivandrum, which was claimedly India's first IT park, started in 1994. But 14 years later, how far behind other states are we in terms of generating IT jobs and revenues? (Its great to see that finally we are picking up pace and increasing our IT exports. But vultures in the form of politicians and unions are ominously waiting to fleece the industry and ruin the new-found pace.)

Or take the example of Tourism. While Kerala Tourism has done exceedingly well and created a real good avenue for catapulting our state in the international tourists map (we almost made it), I can sense a decline over the last couple of years. Its partly due to lack of infrastructure keeping pace, and partly due to the attitude of the people. I have seen how harassed tourists are in Kerala. Whether it is by professional beggars or touts selling "collections", or auto/taxi walas trying to fleece them, or punks trying to tease the women, or the infamous year-long hartal festivities, it all adds up.

Last week at the Cochin airport I could see a airport security person really tormenting a foreigner couple, shouting in Hindi at him to keep his cellphone in the bag for Xray screening, while the couple were helplessly fumbling not knowing what to do. The other officers and officials at the airport, most of them malayalis, just giggled and stood watching. I spoke to the couple and they were all praises about the wonderful state that we have. But they also mentioned how a few of the people can really cast a negative shadow on the overall great experience and beautiful state that we have. They also mentioned how disorganized the tourism experience in the state is, despite its huge publicity and hype, allowing only seasoned travellers manage without getting harassed.

Questions for our politicians: Apart from fleecing and milking any entrepreneur or industry that does well, what has the government done to help our people progress? As soon as tourism started to develop and private players started making progress, the political buffoons have interfered and ensured that they get a large piece of the pie (all in the name of the poor, but what did they really get?). Its the same with healthcare or higher education. 75% of the healthcare in Kerala is provided by private hospitals, but apart from fleecing the hospitals in the name of various taxes and regulations, the government has done nothing concrete or sufficient to promote healthcare on its own. Similarly for higher education, instead of ensuring that the private players maintain a standard, our politicians were only interested in making sure that their parties and leaders get their coffers filled. In the process, they have made sure that the sector has been ruined.

Questions we should ask ourselves: Isnt it time we felt a bit ashamed of electing such inefficient people, year after year? How has our much-acclaimed 100% literacy, best in India health indices, best in India education indices, and other ratings that we rant about at the drop of a hat, helped us as a state? Have we really been able to take advantage of them or made any genuine progress since then? Or for the least, have we, as a community, been able to refine our behaviour and attitude? We are failing to provide a good environment and congenial atmosphere even to our own children, and they are left with no choice but to go elsewhere to learn or earn a living comfortably, and live a better life. And worst, we have now begun to see them, quite easily, as a separate group who dont belong to us. Now, that is a very ominous trend.
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Kerala This Week Ver 2.04, 2008

A very ardent fan of this blog wished us all Onam in a very funny but really brilliant manner "sHAPPYl pONAM". But nothing could have been so close to the truth. Mallu brethren gulped down Rs.250 crores worth of alcohol during the week of fun, frolic, and celebration, before getting on with their routine eve-teasing, scuffles, pick-pocketing, and groping.

I personally was witness to the antics of the inebriated average malayali scum-bags. I ran into several drunk motorists creating havoc on the roads, bikers racing with their stands scraping the road to create sparks and scare other motorists, third-rate punks hurling abuse at women. The list is endless. Sadly, I could not the see the Onam spirit on the streets that I have seen as a child. I could barely see families enjoying themselves on the roads. Most people I talked to said it was not safe these days, and all of them preferred to stay indoors and "enjoy the peace".

Ironicaly, earlier this week, Kerala won the IBN channel sponsored Diamond State Awards title for infrastructure, womens' empowerment, health services and education system. Come to think of it, all the above are taking a big toll in Kerala and those are the very sectors worst affected in Kerala over the last decade or so. I guess the jury had very little to choose from, and were left between the devil and the deep sea.

After fighting for the Vizhinjam port for over 2 decades and trying to hog praises, now that the project is approved, the politicians are now trying to oppose the project saying that the land acquistion is illegal and will be resisted at all cost. I guess the uneducated scums thought that a port for ships would come up on the sea and will not need any land. Talk about 100% literacy!

There is so much more to report from little ol' Kerala. But I decided to cut it short since I have a very interesting question about Keralites for our readers. You can post your answer as a comment. Lets see how many of you know our land and people well enough to get it right.

Where is the only place in the world that a malayali will stand in a queue?
(Oops..since most malayalis will not know what a queue means - queue is a line of waiting people)

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Amusement for Keralites

As if to say that the mockery of governance our political maestros make every day is not sufficient to entertain the 100% literate people of Kerala (which includes the unemployed youth and the farmers who havent already committed suicide), the Malabar Tourism Development Corporation is inaugurating a 30 crore amusement park in Kannur.


The facility, is set on a sprawling 30 acre land, and will provide entertainment.

To whom?

At the very least, to the leaders who will be in charge of the management of the park. But if you think of the irony of the whole situation, then perhaps you could also share the muse.

After entertaining the people via TV channels (Congress party owns Jaihind, Commies own Kairali, NCP is starting one soon - and I cant remember who else does what - and not mention our religious-politicians also airing their own channels), the entrepreneurial skills of our "moonam class and gusthi" politicians seem to be getting better when it comes to fooling the public.

Food for thought:

What is a party that preaches so much about social inequalities and about saving the poor doing with an amusement park? Or have the people of Kannur and rest of Kerala all crossed the poverty line and gotten into the wealthy list suddenly?

When the biggest issue in Kerala today appears to be the "land mafia" and land grabbers, how easy was it to get these 30 acres? Wasnt there a big hue and cry about the 26 acres of the Golf Club in Trivandrum being a "waste" and the "concerned" leaders wanted to acquire it so that it can be shared among the landless? Have we already forgotten the crores worth of buildings destroyed in Munnar in the name of the landless? A few days ago, even the plans to expand the Trivandrum Medical College was stalled when local commie leaders opposed land acquisition under the pretext of protecting the landless. What about the land scams implicating our leaders, including that for the ISRO? The list is endless, but the memory seems to be very shortlived for our politicians.

Where will all the water and power come from for this park? They say they have a big rain water harvesting facility? But even with rains, our dams and reservoirs are unable to generate enough power, and we have to suffer through daily powercuts. God save us if there are no rains. Coca-Cola was ousted saying they are draining away the water from our land.

Trade union leaders, social activists, and cooperative bank members head the amusement park. Ofcourse, considering the amount of money the politicians fleece from the hardworking people (in the pretext of social justice and saving the poor), I am sure 30 crores is not a big deal. Also, understand larger interest and motives when political parties try to infest such organizations and councils with their own fleas. Its so evident here.

Anyway I hope this will at least do some good in the long run, and sooner or later, these politicians will realize the importance of hard work and labour. Probably they will start with exempting the amusement park industry from hartals!

Well, while we continue to slog and toil in order to feed our politicians, lets for a moment, enjoy the irony and dwell in amusement.

Are you not entertained?

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Kerala This Week, Ver 2.03, 2008

So last week we had the 82nd hartal in 2008 (remember we are only in August), thanks to "issues" such as inflation and other central government policies. On television, the hartal supporters from Kerala went on record to say that they were not sure what it was for. A few citizens guessed it must be against the "textbook", while expressing their ire against the frequent strikes disrupting their lives and livelihood.

The day after the strike, the media went on to report about how it paralyzed the state. Mind you, life in most of the other states went on just like any other day and hardly anyone even realized there was a hartal call in Delhi or Bangalore. Some of the media, while campaigning against hartals and strikes, do give adequate coverage to these political shows, giving them adequate publicity and mileage, and encouragement to continue with their gimmick. What with every political party running their own TV channel and newspaper/ magazine. And the average person here is jobless enough to view/read through the bull they air/write.

Most papers reported how some of the ministers from the state either "walked" or "rode on bikes" to reach their destination. They however forgot to mention that there were 2 police jeeps in front of the bike, and 3 behind, for "safety".

Most of the dailies also reported a particular story about how a mother whose child was admitted in the hospital could not travel to the child, and how the child died without the mother around. Pictures of the wailing mother were really heartbreaking, and so ironic when the papers carried pictures of politicians gleeing in joy since their hartal was a big "success".

Cornered, some of the politicians were asked what answer they have to give the grieving mother. One of them said that the mothers picture and "story" was just American Imperialism in action and that such people are out to undermine the "system". I have heard about heartless politicians, but these must be the cruellest and most venemous species ever.

Strike day also saw another regular but really worrisome feature in the state: Police becoming mute spectators. When the police tried to arrest a hartal mongerer who threw stones and damaged vehicles in the capital city, a bunch of protesters forcefully released the guy from the police jeep - that too in front of a larger number of cops. This is a regular thing in Kerala now, and I dont think anyone from any political party is in jail since they have all been released or acquitted by the government and their dutiful cops. For the amnesics, here is a recap of recent events (as reported by the press):

"The activists, who turned on the journalists covering their march to back the state government over a textbook row, were released last night after police pressed trivial charges against them"

"..Police and Student Federation activists clashed in front of the Armed Reserve Camp at Nandavanam on Wednesday evening. The violence occured ..when 32 activists, detained at the camp, attempted to escape from police custody. The trouble broke out when leaders led by the Mayor, and their district secretary, arrived at the camp gate and demanded that they be allowed to see the detained students." (The result? : the activists alleged that the police had `brutalised' the detained students and a police constable attached to the Nandavanam Armed Reserve camp, has been placed under suspension pending inquiry)

"The police have registered a case against district panchayat president, four others and 35 party workers for forcibly releasing a person who was taken into custody on charges of attacking a police personnel"

"Activists allegedly assaulted KSU state general secretary Ranjith Abraham in Kottayam. Ranjith, returning home after a KSU programme, was waylaid and hit on the head with an iron rod"

"During an party-sponsored agitation in Pathanamthitta recently, police took a district-level leader into custody. Activists stormed the police station and got their leader released."

"A leader of the ABVP, the student wing of the BJP, was attacked at Guruvayoor’s Sri Krishna College earlier this year after he defeated another party leader in the college union election. He was severely injured in one eye and had to be hospitalised."


I remember someone asking, why this blog was titled "Dog's Own Country"? Hope they are reading this post.

Onto something positive (on request!): Union Defence Minister and the State Industries Minister seem to be showing some success in rising about petty politics and bringing in investments to the state. After the Brahmos deal in Trivandrum, they worked together on another defence project in Kasargod. Kudos to them for whatever the deals are worth for the people of Kerala.

Kerala participated in the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, literally. The papers were replete with the news of the event at the "pakshi-koodu stay-d-yum". I couldnt help laughing at that. But my laughter turned to tears when I heard the title track of the hindi movie "God Tussi Great Ho" which goes " Gaaadu" "Gaadu". Quite sickening, even without seeing the movie and realizing how they have ruined 'Bruce Almighty'!
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Governance for Dummies

A few days ago, a newspaper reported a really worrisome news, which is really an extension of an even more disturbing trend.


It lists out the adhoc committee for the state chapter of the Indian RedCross Society as per a Kerala Government Order:

The ad hoc committee comprises ......a former commie MP, ...a commie councillor, ....a commie leader from Vanchiyur, ...a commie youth outfit leader, ...a former commie councillor, ...a commie leader .....a ..who is heading the nurses union of the commie..and a well known Congress Party leader.

This is a really terrible and totally disgusting policy taken by political parties. Every time they get elected, they ensure that their cronies get into key posts within all major organizations, profit making public companies, and not to mention government agencies. But I dont think the trend has reached a low like this to include the Red Cross Society too!.

While the politicians do this for their selfish gain and influence, what really happens is that misfits and people who have no clue about (and cant even understand) how to run organizations, companies, and institutions sit in the driving seat and take our state to the pits of inefficiency, corruption, and mismanagement. Until now we had to worry only about one thing: That we have totally inefficient and useless governments ruling our state forever. Now thats extended to more walks of our life.

Incidentally, this is an email forwarded by one of my friends some time ago:

A well-known political leader, was seated next to a little 5th grade girl on an airplane. The leader turned to her and said, ''Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger'.

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know', said the leader. 'How about nuclear power?'

'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first:

'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The leader turns towards his colleague in dismay. Thinks about it and says,

'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

The little girl replies:

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?! '


That just about sums up the state of affairs in Kerala.

_____________________________

While replying to a comment, I was lucky enough to find this piece. Priceless.



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Kerala This Week, Ver 2.02, 2008

I have heard that long ago, a Communist Government in Kerala, under the pretext of fighting feudalism and "muthalalis", declared that all paddy field should be owned by the workers, and went on to divide paddy fields. The result was that agriculture as an industry became very disorganized, failed to succeed in Kerala, and over the years many farmers have committed suicide and paddy fields have largely remained underutilized.


While the politicians continued to capture the heart of the workers by portraying that its all the fault of the rich and affluent farmers and ofcourse the opposition parties, decades later, the current rulers of Kerala are not far away from repeating the same kind of..shall we call it lack of sense? Or inability to govern intelligently? The current state of the farmers and the paddy fields is simplified for you very well here. But ofcourse, its all FOR the sake of the poor and needy people of Kerala.

More recently, our political leaders decided that their hard battles against the "rich and powerful" have yielded great results. Now that the poor are no more poor according to the communists, they have decided to take-over the Golf Club in Trivandrum - the rationale: its time that the sport is not limited to the affluent, and the poor and downtrodden should also get a chance to swing as well. But more importantly, the club will also be an ideal venue to host party meetings and a perfect party spot for district committee leaders and panchayat members to conduct their drinking binges. So why not?. Are we, their donkeys, ever going to protest?.

Well, I guess nobody would have protested, not even the impotent opposition parties, had it not been for the clumsy way in which the golf club take-over was attempted - once again displaying why our political leaders need to have minimum education, even if its just to do something really silly and atrocious.

The other "thing" thats keeping our leaders occupied and the people entertained is the "text-book issue". In their efforts to transform Kerala into a totally communist state, the leaders have decided to revise the state board textbooks and add chapters that highlight communist values, allegedly, so that the "next gen can grow up understanding the values better". But again, due to the lack of education, the guy in charge of executing the work didnt probably understand the difference between communism and communalism. That has set off a series of protests, hartals, battles, etc., between religious leaders, student leaders, and the political maestros of the state. Interestingly, nobody protested when our CM was, again allegedly, caricatured as a "father-figure", once again in a class V text book!


Picture Courtesy: Outlook India

Taking public-private partnership to a new low, the government has decided that we dont need Police in Kerala anymore. Instead the red brigade will administer their version of peace-keeping and ensure lawlessness. Even the commissioner will henceforth work according to their instructions, it seems. This applies to the press as well, while the "saadharankar" can watch and be entertained as usual.

Blaming the weatherman, once again, the electricity department and the KSEB have decided to re-introduce power-cuts in the state again. While the rest of the world has become educated enough to rely less on rains (including neighbours TN who harness even wind energy), 100% literate Kerala, along with its 100% illiterate political clan, are all set for darker days and nights. After all we dont have big factories or industries to run. In fact, the power-cuts will encourage our fastest growing industry - crime and theft.

Overall, we are in for the good times. Ofcourse, we asked for it, right?.
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Kerala This Week, Ver 2.01, 2008

Kerala has much to celebrate this season.

Summer rains are here, according to the Department of Meteorology and the guys there who always make predictions about the weather; and who have always got it wrong..Well, the summer rains are almost here, and will hopefully be a welcome end to the heat and humidity. Its also welcome since it will help the state clear the dumps of garbage on the streets as it floods the roads everywhere since we do not have a proper draingage system in Kerala, clear up piles of plastic in the canals and rivers, and also, with some help from the wind, bring down bad hoardings, old trees, and unsafe buildings. Of course, being the greedy malayali, we could wish the rain washes away all our scumbag politicians as well, but thats a bit too much to ask for, especially since you dont want them all accumulating in the sea, given our vast coastal line.

Rains will also be welcome by the Kerala Police. Based on my estimate (I swear I have done a proper physical verification when I travel), there are only 21 traffic policemen in Kerala (3 in Trivandrum, 5 in Kochi, 2 in Calicut, and one each in the remaining districts). But with the rain Gods arriving, the havoc on roads can be blamed on them. And the mad drivers of Kerala can continue to drive wrecklessly. The 21 cops can relax and take longer breaks in the nearby petty shop.

Talking about petty shops, Big Bazaar opened its second outlet amidst violence, protests, vandalism, and political victimization in Trivandrum - I happened to be unfortunate enough to be in the capital on opening night. The Corporation officials (a bunch who are around to fleece anyone residing in the city) raided Big Bazaar on its inaugural day, right after a party youth outfit goons rampaged the store, and sealed the store claiming that the store was selling "pappads" without license. The store however managed to "convince" the officials later that night, and also produced court orders in their favor. The people of Trivandrum appear to have welcome the freshness of the retail chains and all roads seem to lead to Big Bazaar.

Which kind of creates another problem. All roads, unfortunately, include the roads taken by "machoos"( a new breed of boys from famous localities in the state which have produced aristrocratic and ancient families of criminals, goondas, etc on stolen motorbikes) and "aliyans" (a brotherhood of eve-teasers, rapists, and gropers), and entertainment for them now begins around these new hubs.

Kerala can also entertain itself on the new craze of the its rulers. After years of collusion, sharing, partnerships, and joint ventures in crime, hawala, money laundering, political killings and ace manipulations, the political leaders have realized that the spiritual leaders are growing bigger than them. So finally the crackdown has begun from one end. Just like the Munnar-JCB-Demolition series, we will have to see how far they progress before the leaders from both sides kiss and make up, and call for a ceasefire. I just overheard someone saying that one of the christian businessmen dealing in spiritualism and mass-healing, currently under heat, is building a mansion worth 15 crores. Brother must be praying that the rains flood the entire state and people forget all these baseless allegations.

Theres a lot more happening in the state, but more in my next post..

But its also important not to miss the buds of change appearing across the state. Hopefully the blossom will not be far away. This hope and quest for change and struggle to break free is aptly evidenced by Avial and their music. The first malayalam rock band is, by all measures, superb. They are bold, chose to take the plunge, they told the critics to buzz-off, and have brought a welcome change for Keralites across the world.


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Why Do We Need Kerala Airways?

Or will it be "Air Kerala"? It certainly cannot be "Kerala Air" since it will invoke a series of protests and hartals against corporate forces trying to plunder and take undue advantage of Kerala's virginity and supposedly clean air, leading to lesser air for the people of Kerala, especially the "saadharana-karan" (common man of Kerala), who will then have to breathe in vacuum - just like it happened in Plachimada because of Coca-Cola, who allegedly drained of all the water there, while 30 other factories there did not affect the environment. Some say this is because Coca-Cola is not consumed by the saadharana-karan since it contains, again allegedly, pesticides, but only by the "spoilt fat rich kids". The saadharana-karan drinks only arrack brewed with pests, and pesticides can spoil the flavor.

Anyway, coming back to Air Kerala. The political fraternity is coming together in support of the proposed new airline, forgetting color, race, party, corruption history, and bank balance. Since most of them, mainly due to the lack of education, failed to understand the technical and economical advantages of having the new airline, they decided to draft their own 10 point memorandum, based on their experiences and aspirations of a "new Kerala", to be submitted to the Minister of Civil Aviation. Here is a preview of the draft.


Why we need Kerala Airways - Submitted by the politicians of BJP..nadakkilla!! CPM.. poda pullay! Congress..pulikkum!!..okay okay..namakku onnikkam and make the public a donkey.. Kerala, representing the saadharana-karan(s)

Saar, our on plane yair-line is needed very mach and it is argentt, bekkos...

1. the pilots wont act smart anymore..pannanmaar! ("bad people" - produced by privatisation) and will wait for all the representatives of the saadharana-karans..we can even transfer them at our will even if the other passengers have to wait, its okay saar..they are waiting for the representatives of the saadharana-karans. as one of our great leaders said recently after one of our MP classmate was thrown out of the plane for coming late (he was only 5 hours 2 hours late saar! and there were only 180 other passengers), "this is a country!!". yes saar, we are countries, so what is the problem?

2. by the by...we can sit in the cockpit and fly..and not just in the front row of the first class cabin..we are servants of the people after all and deserve to be treated better than this. our leaders can also then transport their guns and bombs very safely.

3. saar, we can grab women travelling alone safely and more often if it is our own yair-line, and worry less about getting slapped it still hurts saar or investigations. nobedy will dare to question us then since it is a democrazy. it will also encourage politicians to fly more frequently, and earn more miles.

4. it will also help our PAs and supporters also travel more comfortably..we can have an emergansy quota for all of them, just like we have in the trains. and if our friends need tickets, we can release EQ for them too, just by dialling the yair-line office - we can post one of our boys as the manager so he wont be very smart or educated, and will listen to us this is my party idea.

5. once we have our airports in all the 14 districts, kerala yair-line will provide better connections in kerala. we can have more meetings and our payyanmar saadharana-karans can attend more dharnas and our goons party workers can be flown to wherever there is shortage.

6. saar, nowadays we are facing lot of problem. the air india and other private airlines (who are not for the saadharana-karans) dont allow us to drink alcohol or smoke beedis inside the plane. where is justice? in kerala yair-line, we can do all that and more..

7. one more problem our malayalis face is in using our mobiles. we are 100% literate and because of that we need to switch on our cellphone and talk to our friends and party people even while the plane is taking off, or just as the plane lands or taxis into the parking area. we are not able to do this now, and every time our malayali saadharana-karans talks on the phone while the plane is moving, the arrogant airhostesses announce and ask as us to switch off our phones. this is humiliating saar! injustice. what do these airhostesses think of themselves!?!

8. your owner, our saadharana-karans who chew paan and others who like to spit frequently are now facing problem in the plane. where will they spit? the windows are sealed. in our own yair-line, we can feel free since its our own yair-line.

9. saar, its very bad in yair-lines of nowadays..we have to wear soot-and-kuppayams and appear to be decent..why? for what? why cant we travel comfortably in lungi and shirtless? why should we pretend to be decent when we are not?

10. last but not the least..actually most important..our malayalis are used to rushing and creating confusion. but in the yair-lines we have now, we are facing lot of problem. every time our saadharana-karans stand up immediately after the plane touches down on the runway, the airhostess shouts at us for standing up and forming a queue to get out. saar, why cant we rush to the door once the plane touches down? isnt this our right? isnt the yair-lines there to serve us? we have example sir for you. recently, just as the plane touched down, one of our classmates (who is a senior party leader) jumped up and started taking out his bag. so the airhostess announced again asking everyone (we know who she meant!stupid oversmart!) to be seated till the plane comes to a halt and seatbelt signs are switched off. our class-mate got so angry and shouted at her "are we going to take-off again?..dont play with me".

saar, we are sure you fully understand why we need a kerala yair-line for our 100% literate saadharana-karans. it is arggent saar. give us permishan very soon. otherwise... otherwise we will perform hartal! ha ha ha..pinne nee endho cheyyum..please look into the matter saar.
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Government? ufff! The People – Democrazy in DOC, Part 1

This is a citizen’s take on our much acclaimed democracy. In Kerala, if you said democracy, some people would get offended, but most others would get ruffled. “Demo-ya? Kooduthal demo venda ketta” (don’t show off too much) you would get warned. Of course, the crazy bit is quite obvious everywhere in DOC.

Over the last few years, I have had the privilege of experiencing the joy and pleasure of many typical government offices in Kerala’s capital city, Trivandrum, in pursuit of various clearances and permissions. Initially it was the KSEB and the city Corporation, visits which have scarred my soul permanently!. So let me wait a bit more and let them heal a bit more before I write about the "gods" there.

More recently, I had to go to the Tahashildar’s office (TO) in Trivandrum. This is because I made the mistake of applying for a particular permission some time last year at the District Collector’s office. The Collector’s office had processed my request within a month and in august last year they had sent out an order to the Tahashildar’s office, aptly copied to me, asking them to verify my records personally and report back WITHIN A MONTH so that they can grant the permission at the earliest. Now that there has not been any response for over 6 months, as a citizen in dire straits, I decided to do the needful and visit the gods at the TO.

The look and feel of the TO at Trivandrum is similar to that of any other Government owned office. There will be people thronging the entrance, with a very knowledgeable and influential cart-wala selling ethakka-appam (banana fritters, or fry for the uninitiated) and tea. The experienced person will know that this cart-wala is the man. I mean, The Man. The man who was the sole authority before the Right to Information act was passed recently, and the only person you could get any valuable information from. He will know how to get what you need, who to meet, how much to bribe, when to come, what time the particular office “section” person goes to the loo, after how many weeks he will come back from the loo-visit, and most such very essential details for you to get your work done. He will also sell you the required application and request forms, although they are "supposed to be" obtained only from inside free of cost. But you wouldn’t want to displease the gods.

If you observe the people, you will notice that there is a pattern. Every group will consist of one officer and his clients, and in most cases, an external consultant also. Consultants are required for cases which are chronic (acute – upto 5 years, limited to one office; chronic – 5 or more years, involving many offices, probably in different cities or towns, or many cart-walas). Most of them will be in their mundu, folded up high, smoking (remember smoking is banned in public places in Kerala) and randomly spitting to announce the satisfaction of the tea they just downed.

Once you enter, you will find more hapless people. These “ignorant fools”, the naïve applicants and aspirants from out of town or the relatively uncorrupted lot, who stand in queues in the sun, in front of the enquiry counter and other "windows", waiting for a darshan of the concerned officer to direct them to the higher gods.

After a few hours, if you finally manage to make it to the counter the enquiry guy directed you to, and by some stroke of luck you reach there some time before or after the tea break-lunch break-tea break sessions of the employees, you will again most likely see an empty seat. The other people in the next seat or “section” wont even look at you. And if they do, they will eye you with an evil look and throw up their question in a fast move to ask “what the hell do you want?”. Some others may enquire and make you spill out your entire history before dismissing you to come when the concerned person is there and not on leave.

While I was there, a hapless old lady who had come from another town, and was enquiring about some payment she had to get as refund. She was desperately trying to get the attention of the officer who was luckily in his seat, but was talking to his colleague three tables away, not bothered about the lady muttering “sir…sir”. Finally, irritated, he asked “what?”. And she began her story. He asked her straight to go to some other section, without even looking at her paper. She then explained she had gone there and showed the remarks made by that section. To that he asked if she had gone to another office at another place in Trivandrum. Tired and irritated herself, she explained that all the other offices had directed her to him.

As I witnessed the sad plight of the lady, I also observed how the noticeboards and even the doors and windows were pasted with notices from various unions calling for strike or raising demands. There were computers on a lot of tables, all looking like age-old junk, uncleaned and kept shabbily. I saw the “peon”, who peered at you as though he is above the Collector (must be, in a literal sense, in collecting bribes), throw files signed by the Tahashildar, onto the respective tables from far away, as though he were delivering newspapers. The officers didn’t mind; after all it’s the "chief collector" himself delivering the goods. 3 out of 10 officers in that room were wearing khaddar, possibly implying they were one of the union leaders. I also saw how papers kept flying from some of the tables. Some were picked up by the person at the desk, some others were left lying only to be picked by some passerby and kept back on the table. Some others were still on the ground as I moved away, wondering what if its some piece of paper that’s so vital to one of us.

I could move away since my number had come. This was my 6th visit to the office to meet the person in charge of my file. I was lucky enough to meet the person this time, and even luckier to make him move it to the next "section", which was at the next table, in just an hour - something that didnt happen for the last 6 months.

But if you have “met the right people” and “seen them in the right way”, you will see that these hardly working people become so hard-working, showing personal interest, full of energy, cheering up their colleagues to process your request. Files, which usually take weeks to move between adjacent tables, begin to move rapidly between rooms and even buildings. People even recognize you during your second visit.

There is so much more to write about our government servants. The same people come back to private offices, hotels, and hospitals, and demand quick service and better facilities, preferably for free. And one would think its only the older lot who were the problem. But I couldn’t find a lot of difference in attitude among the younger officers either. I suppose its only a matter of time before the rot spoils the good apples too.
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