Saturday, April 25, 2009

101 Reasons to Get "Married Off" in Kerala

1. Your "concerned" neighbour reminds your parents that you are laughing too often of late.

2. Your "loving" relatives remind your parents that you are an obligation to them and they are getting old. In malayalam, they term it something like "she is filling the house".

3. Random people, whom you dont even know, notice that you are happy and "grown as big as an adult", and they bitch about you since they cannot tolerate your youthful bliss.

4. You are beginning to lose hair (who wouldnt with all this stress!) and all the coconut oil isnt helping.

5. You finished graduating. And then did two Masters degrees. And then did a Ph.D. And theres nothing more to study.

6. Your dream is the US, but they ain't giving you the darn H-1B visa.

7. You want to get out of Kerala.

8. You dont want to come back to Kerala.

9. Your relatives in North America are planning to visit Kerala after 5 years, and they want to club it with your wedding so that they dont have to come in between for a while.

10. Your relative, whom you are meeting for the first time since childhood, says he wants to eat a meal ("oonu").

11. You are earning more than what you need to lead a frugal life, and not everybody likes that.

12. You are drinking too much, and on the verge of becoming an alcoholic.

13. You are becoming abusive, and they decided to get you a homely wife.

14. You need someone to clean up the flat, and they decided to get you a girl from the ancient family.

15. Someone needs an uterus and a monthly supply of eggs (human kind).

16. Your family thinks it is time to reproduce.

17. You are too happy, and they think only a wife can "fix" you.

18. You failed 5 times consecutively in college, and now marriage seems to be the best solution.

19. Your family friend knows you are rich and would like to eat a share of the pie.

20. You wanted to explore the world, but theres no way they would let you go alone.

21. You wanted to study further, but they said you need to marry first.

22. Your room is too messy.

23. Your pile of unwashed clothes is getting bigger..and bigger.

24. You are getting really good in your career, and someone wanted to put an end to it.

25. You were lured by the wedding saree shop ad.

26. Your family got amazed by all the gold jewelry wedding designs.

27. Your local gold store is offering a BMW with every purchase of gold worth a lakh.

28. Your classmate married and is now pregnant.

29. The hartals are too many, and the only way to get through them these days is a marriage.

30. You are a doctor, and they feel you need another doctor to help you out.

31. You are a doctor and they thought a nurse will complete your clinic.

32. You were ready to be bought (or sold) for a price.

The list could go on, but would one need more reasons in Kerala? If you have pet peeve though, please feel free to share it!

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Friday, April 10, 2009

When We Speak in Manglish..

Scene from class VIII of a school in Kerala

Teacher: Who can tell me the name of Gandhi's son?
Students go into a hush.
Only one hand goes up after a while.
Student: Dineshan
Teacher: What??? Dineshan who?
Student: Yes, madam, Dineshan. You dont know that also?
Teacher (nearly enraged): Who taught you this nonsense
Student: It is not nonsense madam. We were taught this since junior school
Teacher: Taught what?
Student: Gandhiji is the father of di-neshan.

Although the above is just a really funny joke passed on by a friend as an SMS, it very aptly highlights a big problem we have in Kerala.

As much as the hypocrites talk about clinging on to tradition, we also try to catch up on English, which is obviously very essential in this day and age. So it really doesnt matter what the hypocrites say and think. But unfortunately, their influence force enough people try to mix up the two languages, instead of learning both separately and clearly, and what we get is Manglish. And add to it the substandard, new-age filmy jokers and mimicry artistes who try hard to make people laugh by using abuse, twisted words, slang, and accentuated dialects. Children actually even end up picking up these distortions, and imitating cheesy lines as they get applauded for it.

Manglish is the polluted, adulterated, and confusing version of language when you mix up Malayalam and English badly. It is what gives malayalis that infamous "malayali accent", which is now so bad that it affects job prospects and even relationships, and terrible inferiority complex while talking to fluent English speakers.

This is an issue our teachers, schools, universities and boards need to give great attention to so that our children and the new generation come out confident and ready to take on the world. May sound like a silly little non-issue, but quite clearly, this is definitely an issue that we need to work on in our schools.

Happy Easter folks!

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Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Where the Police is Paralyzed..Goon's Own Country

Last month, the Kerala High Court cornered the Kerala Government in view of the pathetic law and order situation in the state, and the politically influenced paralysis of the policing system. Of course, the political clowns went on to accuse and abuse the judiciary for coming to the rescue of the hapless citizens.

Every day our newspapers are filled with news about thefts, robberies, attempted murders, acts of rage, and killings, all backed by the political parties waiting to bail them out. And we also hear how the government is dismissing criminal proceedings against their party workers, releasing criminals with political backing from jails, and such other nasty things, instead of protecting the people.

Today's paper had a very interesting news piece, which aptly portrays the pathetic situation in the state. So shameful! Read on, and think of the rut we are in. And please vote for the upcoming elections, and every other election. Jaago re!

Nine hurt in goonda attack

Express News Service First Published : 07 Apr 2009 07:46:58 AM IST
Last Updated : 07 Apr 2009 11:22:56 AM IST

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: Six police personel and three members of a family was injured at a goonda attack at Madhavapuram near Veli on Monday night.

The incident occurred when a goonda gang attacked the house of one Sunil alleging that he was a police informer. Sunil and his parents were injured in the attack.

Following this, local police informed the Police control room who handed over the message to Veliyathura police. The goonda gang resorted to stone throwing when the police team reached the spot. The attack was carried out by a gang led by goonda leader Ani alias Swarnapallan Ani.

Veliyathura SI K.J. Jonson, Probation SI Mohammed Khan, and constables Valsalan, Albert, Rajan and Sanal were injured in the attack. They have been admitted to the General Hospital.

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