In Kerala, its Better Jobless Than Ever!

A guy friend told me something very interesting recently. If you live in Kerala, its better to be one of the following, if not all: fat, dark, ugly faced or wearing a permanent scowl, shabbily dressed (or in a mundu folded up above your knees), have a criminal look, or most preferably, be jobless. Although I found it funny at that moment, over a period of time, I realized what made him come up with such a harshly truthful statement.

A couple of months ago, while I was waiting at a traffic signal, which clearly had the red light on it, two guys approached my car from behind and started honking and asking me to go (probably since there was not much traffic at the junction in any case). When I refused and pointed to the red light on the signal, the guys started abusing me. Although I didnt bother and instead told them to buzz off, it was clear how the goonda looking guys with their blonde-streaked hair, with golden bracelets along with saffron and black ties on their wrists, who apparently form the "poor and downtrodden" of Kerala, would have intimidated most of the rich and selfish people (since they own cars) in Kerala.

Around a month ago, a KSRTC bus rushing towards my car from behind, with no intention of slowing down despite it being a junction, scraped a good portion of my car's right doors. And when he had no intention of stopping, I overtook and made him stop very close to the junction. The cop who was standing there and witnessing the whole scene came and shouted at me for obstructing traffic and asked me to "take my car and go". The seemingly inebriated driver (I could sense the stink of alcohol around him, but wait, he is the poor common man of Kerala, lets salute him first) just looked at me below from his seat in the bus, with an evil look and a bit of pity. The passengers and the people who joined around started murmuring "onnum patteellello" "kondu poda" and other expressions of mallu concern, hinting at me to get lost. Probably they would have been a little more sensitive had I died or had a broken arm and was bleeding profusely, I hope.

A friend who runs a hotel (dont worry, not a star hotel, but just an ordinary restaurant serving "meals") was complaining about how he was harassed every day by different authorities (all affiliated to the mighty poor-man's group), right from the corporation health inspectors, to pollution board, and water authority, who would not go away unless they were bribed. Interestingly, bang opposite him was a petty shop serving food who flouted every law and was even obstructing the traffic, but was not bothered by any officer. He also mentioned that the petty shopwala was also a strong political supporter of a certain party, whereas he had no particular political affiliation, but started this hotel from the money he saved as a worker, along with a bank loan.

I have heard mallu men, and even some women, openly proclaim that women should not walk around in anything other than clothing that covers their entire body (probably would have been better off with a burkah). Otherwise dont blame the men if they get groped or molested or raped, since those women "asked for it". Women on the other hand are scared to dress up or wear clothes that they like, lest they displease the malayali macho man with stinking armpits and folded lungis (from the mighty, powerful common-man's group), waiting for them. I wonder if our women are pushed to the extreme of even overeating and slothing with an intention of getting ugly and fat thinking that they will be safer. Ofcourse, they are mistaken.

If you are dressed properly and step outside, you are looked down upon, usually by another mallu who probably earns more than you, but purely out of jealousy. At the clubs and so called social gatherings, if you are a christian, the trick is to incite the people around by dividing them as hindus and muslims, and to pass snideful comments. If you are a so-called ezhava, then its the nair and varma tag that is played to isolate you. Yes, this is also done so that the common man's rights and privileges can be protected!

But most importantly, if you have a job and work hard to earn your living, you will likely be isolated by the unemployed and jobless complaining that you snatched their opportunity (no matter that there is still plenty of opportunity, but they prefer to remain jobless and take the privileges that come with it). The thieves and criminals will rob you and harass you. The politicians and their party workers will fleece and threaten you till you contribute to their "fight for the poor". The government will definitely make sure all the rules are laid down (only for you) to make you suffer unless you "oil the system" generously, to the extent that you end up running away from the state when you realize its not worth risking your life and health.

Alright, lets not discuss all this publicly, but instead call for investments and talk about mega projects, and ofcourse, hold up our 100% literacy tag. Shhh..lets hide that god-darn report that says Pondichery overtook us on the education index (but not on 100% literacy, haha!!). Lets join the powerful and mighty group of the poor and downtrodden of Kerala, and then we also wont have to worry about our work and livelihood.

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The Greatly Inflated Mallu Ego

Today i saw an ad on a malayalam television channel about a vegetarian curry powder from an apparently well-known company in Kerala. The theme of the ad was about how other companies are mixing "non-vegetarian" extracts to make their vegetarian products more tastier, and how only this company's products are pure and tasty.

The concept brought to my mind a very infamous characteristic of us malayalis, one that we cannot really be proud of. Many people have related the "crabs in the can" theme to malayalis. And in some aspects its strikingly true. We have this nasty habit of trying to "look" better by putting others down. Instead of focusing on our own deficiencies (at least the ones that are correctable) and trying to improve ourselves, we always expose the flaws of other people, and then try to look relatively better of (or probably console ourselves).

While our politicians are the biggest trendsetters for this sort of trashy attitude, it seems to have caught on with the people in general as well. It is this same false prestige that leads to so many of our woes, including the deeply instilled sense of casteism, communal divisions, and gender inequalities.

Some of the comments to posts on this blog also point towards this characteristic. You can see scores of comments about how Kerala is better than Bihar and UP in many aspects. When we talk about how malayalis mistreat women, we dismiss it by talking about Delhi. If its about hartals, we see comments about the farmers strike in France. If we talk about personal freedom, we get comments comparing ourselves to Iraq and how better off we are. We try to focus on all the ills and troubles of everyone else, and try to cover up our defects, while we, as a state, sink further down.

I remember a forum on development in Trivandrum, where almost for a year people celebrated the widening and beautification of a half-a-kilometer stretch of road in the city, and termed it as the "model road". Every day there would be pictures of that stretch from various angles. And alongside that there would be bitter comments about how Kochi roads are congested and pathetic, which made for greater celebration.

I think this is a very laughable way to look at ourselves, while we gloat ourselves claiming to be 100% literate (which itself is a very silly claim in my opinion!) and the malayali culture being so superior to everybody else. I think this false sense of pride and inflated ego really holds us back from progress, and is one of the biggest reasons why we get stuck in time.

Agreed we have a great culture and tradition, but it should not be something we hold on to obsessively and bring ourselves down by disallowing change and fresher perspectives.

Thanks to Silverine for this link. Absolutely classical malluism.



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