Saturday, April 25, 2009

101 Reasons to Get "Married Off" in Kerala

1. Your "concerned" neighbour reminds your parents that you are laughing too often of late.

2. Your "loving" relatives remind your parents that you are an obligation to them and they are getting old. In malayalam, they term it something like "she is filling the house".

3. Random people, whom you dont even know, notice that you are happy and "grown as big as an adult", and they bitch about you since they cannot tolerate your youthful bliss.

4. You are beginning to lose hair (who wouldnt with all this stress!) and all the coconut oil isnt helping.

5. You finished graduating. And then did two Masters degrees. And then did a Ph.D. And theres nothing more to study.

6. Your dream is the US, but they ain't giving you the darn H-1B visa.

7. You want to get out of Kerala.

8. You dont want to come back to Kerala.

9. Your relatives in North America are planning to visit Kerala after 5 years, and they want to club it with your wedding so that they dont have to come in between for a while.

10. Your relative, whom you are meeting for the first time since childhood, says he wants to eat a meal ("oonu").

11. You are earning more than what you need to lead a frugal life, and not everybody likes that.

12. You are drinking too much, and on the verge of becoming an alcoholic.

13. You are becoming abusive, and they decided to get you a homely wife.

14. You need someone to clean up the flat, and they decided to get you a girl from the ancient family.

15. Someone needs an uterus and a monthly supply of eggs (human kind).

16. Your family thinks it is time to reproduce.

17. You are too happy, and they think only a wife can "fix" you.

18. You failed 5 times consecutively in college, and now marriage seems to be the best solution.

19. Your family friend knows you are rich and would like to eat a share of the pie.

20. You wanted to explore the world, but theres no way they would let you go alone.

21. You wanted to study further, but they said you need to marry first.

22. Your room is too messy.

23. Your pile of unwashed clothes is getting bigger..and bigger.

24. You are getting really good in your career, and someone wanted to put an end to it.

25. You were lured by the wedding saree shop ad.

26. Your family got amazed by all the gold jewelry wedding designs.

27. Your local gold store is offering a BMW with every purchase of gold worth a lakh.

28. Your classmate married and is now pregnant.

29. The hartals are too many, and the only way to get through them these days is a marriage.

30. You are a doctor, and they feel you need another doctor to help you out.

31. You are a doctor and they thought a nurse will complete your clinic.

32. You were ready to be bought (or sold) for a price.

The list could go on, but would one need more reasons in Kerala? If you have pet peeve though, please feel free to share it!


Sushil said...

Funny post. Luckily I didnt have to deal with a lot of what you mentioned :-).

kuttappan said...

reason 7 and 8 must be one of the commonest!

silverine said...

Here's a few reason to get married off in Bangalore for mallu girls.

1. The PHD guys proposal will never come again. Some other girl may bag him. Never mind he is gay!

2. The MS in Amrika's proposal will never come again. Some other girl may bag him. Never mind his cleft palate.

3. The MD's proposal will never come again. Some other girl may bag him. Never mind his other five wives.

4. This is an Ivy League proposal. Never mind his Chinese American GF. He will leave her eventually.

5. All the best boys will be taken. (Def of best boys not known)

7. She may meet and marry a non mallu *horrors*

8. She may meet and marry a non Catholic *horrors*

9. She may find it difficult to conceive later.

10. He is very fair!


MC said...

@ sushil - :) lucky you! how are you surviving!?

@ kuttappan - yeah, true!

@ silverine - omg! too good. brilliant! i feel like getting married TODAY!

Praveen said...

this post makes me want to become a brahmachari :P..
too good

Anonymous said...


Jina said...

:) I thot it was bad for gals!!Now i guess I need to re program those..
Those are absolutely horrifying

Kunjootty said...

1. when relatives you are meeting for the first time at some obscure relations wedding remark a couple of times to your parents "shes 24 and you are not even thinking of searching for a guy???" and they shudder!!
2. when neighbours start guessing... " enthenkilum chuttikali undaavum" and bingo they got the reson you are still unmarried at 24!!
3. when ppl start advising your parenst get her (rid off) married off. so then we can start saving up and planning for the younger one!!
4. when neighbours and relatives are just plain jealous that you are doing quite well in your studies and career.

+ the 10 points by silverine

@silverine: parents always behave like they are faced with a catch 22for every proposal that comes, saying 'it may never come again/ we may never get one as good as this one again"

The quirk said...

"You finished graduating. And then did two Masters degrees. And then did a Ph.D. And theres nothing more to study". that's rude MC..... I am doing my PhD and half the people here are scared to marry :P

And the uterus thing was a sexist remark :)

Well your blogs seem to have changed since ur marriage..... :)

MC said...

@ praveen - tell me about it! marriage is so overrated and also such a mess when you get into the process! talk about "settling" down!!

@ I'm - :)

@ ursjina - yeah, do let us know about the new program :) it will help to know about the other side.

@ kunjooty- have really got the feelings exactly right! especially number 2 and 3!!

@ bhuji - did you name yourself bhuji for a reason? :D obviously these are the reasons in Kerala (did you read the title?) - not the reasons I am dying to use to get married.

and no, i have not yet found my favorite reason to marry among these.. correction.. to get married OFF and "settled"! lol..

silverine said...

@kunjooty: It is not parents in this case...but meddling relations! And the reasons why they do it is in MC's post! :p

workhard said...

That was funny.. i know how relatives and neighbors take it upon themseklves such responsibility...

Haiku Poems

The quirk said...

Hmmm MC ppl call me Bhuji so I use the name. No comments on the rest will catch up soon

Usha said...

lolz on 'filling the house'!!!!

Annemarie said...

LOL at Anjali esp # 10!

Anonymous said...

this post makes me want to become a brahmacharini. Oh wait! I forgot...I am one :)

Anonymous said...

Nice I enjoyed reading it!
All u guys out there who are planning to get married soon, u should go through it.

Anonymous said...

well I need to really agree about the fact that getting rid off is thecorrect term rather than married off... getting married to soemone because your relatives want you to be grandparents soon is possible only in kerala .....When is this system going to change???

Anonymous said...

This is so true. And to think this place boasts of the highest literacy rate in the entire country. I also wanna add that most women in Kerala live their entire lives training to be housewives. What is wrong with them? Why do they not think?

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

gollam gollamm

i think u must check this one out;

Kesavan Nair said...

manohramaaya kaaranangal :)
love the sarcasm in it
pakshe ith vaayich serious aakunnavarod onnu parayatte
ithellam paranjitt ethelum avanum avalum kettathirikkunnundo :)
ippo cheruppama aa oru chorathilappil brahmachari maangatholi ennokke parayum . ee thilaponnu maarikkazhiumbam orkkum oru kootu kand pidikkanjaath mandatharamaayi enn. ini ithupole onnu varukela ennu paranja moorachi parents appolekku thattippoyittundavum :) . Stupid as you may call this system is but there are a few things right about this . Thought every one was supporting u MC. gud to have another thought eh ?

Lia said...

swear by the name of the universe, I'm laughing and crying reading your post, dearest MC. Don't approve this comment, but please let me know you. Dropping one single line into my inbox won't kill anyone, I promise! (, an Indonesian who's somehow dealing with this Kerala marriage bullshit)

Unknown said...

very true... funny but Ironically true.

@bhuji.... its general perception,the uterus thing.. is definately Sexist but true.. my inlaws expected us to have kid within the first yr of marriage...

reason: clip the girls wings and anchor her to the house so as she cant suggest holidays and her need to grow in carrier...

aananthnb said...

I think there is a different league of youngsters in Kerala…who’s parents or relatives are incompetent to marry them off for these reasons……..These guys & girls did there partner searching , communicating and fixing of their own marriage. Some Girls I know even made savings enough for their own dowry..

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