Women's Day ? What the heck is that ?

I was very very busy and caught up in work . But I had to make this post . Better late than never . so here goes :

What is it with us Malayalee Men and women ? A better question would be - what is it with Us and courtesy towards women ?

I am not going to put in a few facts or figures and analyze them . I am going to relate just one incident that I never expected would have happened.

My first job was with the IT wing of one of the major forces in Kerala's as well as India's Financial Market . At Ernakulam . The pay was a bit ummm low ? , but hey ! I have a job now . Being just out of college and staying jobless for around six months is something I would rather not describe here . ( Every job , however menial , and however minimal the pay be , has a value and has to be respected ) .


So getting a job had put me into a very very good mood and I had begun to look at the world with much more benevolent eyes and had recovered the capacity to find pleasure in little things of life. Well , I was in a general state of happiness (Bonhomie ? I think thats what it is called . ), even when I was most aware of my surroundings. In those days I expected the world to give back some of the goodness i may have put into it . The recepient need not be me. But it had to go around.

Well it was mid January last year and I was returning after spending two weeks away from my home ( at my beloved Thiruvananthapuram ) . I was bursting with happiness when the train trundled into the Railway station at Thampanoor and i was looking at everything with a new found love . Everything looked beautiful in the moonless , streetlight lit city . And I got a bus that would take me straight to home , contrary to my prior experiences . The time was around 9:30 and the city was deserted , the bus was filled with weary travellers , all of them men. All of the seats were filled , including the ones reserved for ladies ( there was no point in leaving those seats vacant since there were no ladies !!) I boarded the bus at East fort and the ride was good till Statue junction . When the bus stopped there , a man , his wife and three daughters got on. The men standing in the back of the bus ('ladies area') moved themselves over to the front , where they wont cause any discomfort to the ladies. Things were Ok till now. I was just another happy mallu at this point.

As soon as the bus started moving the lady ( the mother of the three ) very politely asked the men sitting in the seats reserved for ladies to kindly give up the seats so she could sit , she was tired , thanks very much . Believe me , she couldn't have been any politer . But these guys , they are probably an year or two older than me , they just turned their heads the other way.

Dudes ,isn't it common courtesy to give up ur seats to a lady , especially if she is tired and the seat you are sitting in is reserved for ladies only ? well these guys just plain ignored her.

The lady looked at her husband , and this guy just gives her a look filled with plain resignation , a "Please adjust , I am a worried man " look in his eyes.

( All this happens in a space of at the most two minutes . )

Well as I said earlier , I expect the world to give back something of the courtesy / goodness I may have shown to someone . And suddenly , unlike my poor mallu self I fill my voice with as much derision and insult as I can and asked the guys

"Naanamille , avarkku vendiyulla seatil keri irikkaanum , avar paranjittu polum eneettu kodukkaathirikkaanum ? "

( Aren't you ashamed to sit in a seat reserved for her and not moving over even after her request )

I realize at the next moment that these guys are not the sort who will sit around a table and listen to reason like men .

Of course they got up , but only to come up to me and ask me "Nee arraada chodikkan ? Ninakku chodikkaan enthaa avakaasam ? huh ? Nee araanna ninte vichaaram ?"

(Who are you to ask ? What right do you have to ask that question ? And who do you think you are ?)

Well I was plain frightened , and as one of my friends says "Pedichu kaattam ittu " . But I knew I was right so I told them that i have more right to speak than they had , on this matter . The bus conductor , the silent statue , he came over and asked me if I was so crazy as to talk and argue with these kinda dudes , and asked me to go to the front of the bus , which i do immediately . I got those dudes to give up the seats to the lady - Mission accomplished. So I escaped from the situation .

Now comes the funny part . It so happened that two people from my 'area' was on the bus , and we got down at the same stop . They came over to me and told me that what i did was very stupid. Who would argue for a woman , that too someone unknown ? That was the question they asked me. Both were pretty well educated , older than my father and I generally respected them for their plain good naturedness and outlook towards life .

Maybe it was the fact that I was fresh out of college that made me do it then . But i think that I did what I did because the people on the bus behaved in a way i didnt respect , didnt think right and I myself wouldnt have done . Its like hey I dont cheat at exams , so I hate you because you cheated at the exams .

I haven't been to big cities of India or travelled extensively or anything . I have been to Bangalore and Chennai .But I have seen women moving around freely in these places even after 7 O Clock . Girls who have been my classmates here , who now work at Chennai or Bangalore , they tell me that they would prefer a life in such places plainly because they have a far greater sense of security there than in their own hometowns back in Kerala.

Right now I am in Germany , and here , if you dont hold the door for a lady or do not give up ur seat to a lady in a crowded tram , you are looked upon with a sort of contempt..

And I met a lady who had travelled to many places in India , almost always on business . She once visted India , to spend her holidays here , in our very own kerala . She told me that Mallu men have a special skill - They can strip a lady with just their eyes alone. She thinks it must be because the men in Kerala are 'sexually oppressed ' .

I have a little sister and she is doing her plus two now. She goes to evening tuitions on most of the days . And if the tuition classes go beyond 6:30 pm , either me or my father will go to bring her back home. It irks her . She says its like we are treating her like a child . She doesnt understand .We are plain afraid to let her come back alone after 6:00 . This in the capital city of one of the most literate states in India. I am afraid , and sad .



PS : I have heard educated people proposing that some of the trees in our city be cut down to widen the roads - they dont have enought space to ride their cars. But the old hag ( "Kelavi" was the exact term they used ) teames up with some environment freaks to stop it everytime something like that is about to happen . The Old Hag they were referring to was Sugathakumaari teacher , the poetess , the lady who runs 'Abhaya' , who smiles seldome because her heart is heavy with the plight of people she sees everyday.

Dude where's my educated kerala , God's own Country ?