THE 'SAVE KERALA' INITIATIVE

THE 'SAVE KERALA' INITIATIVE

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Kalyanikutty's Woes

This is an excerpt from Shashi Tharoor's (ex Stephanian, U.N Under Secretary General, Author, Diplomat) article on Kerala titled "Looking beyond the backwaters" published in The Shashi Tharoor Column of The Hindu.

It was a response to the innumerable email's and letters he received as comments to his earlier article "Kalyanikutty's Kerala", which celebrated the Kerala Woman.


Few articles of mine have provoked such a storm of a reaction from Keralites as my piece on Kerala's women ("Kalyanikutty's Kerala", Magazine, November 6, 2005). Strikingly, the letters I received came not from the usual sources — outraged chauvinists rising to defend their homeland from insults real and imagined — but rather from the opposite: disillusioned Malayalis attacking their own state's prevailing culture in relation to women.

Two of these stand out. The poet Thachom Poyil Rajeevan puts it bluntly: "It's true that Kerala women can read and write (and) are doing better than Bihari women or the women in the neighbouring states in the professional and social spheres. There may be pilots, doctors, ambassadors, and Supreme Court judges among them. But they cannot come out of their houses after six in the evening. If anyone dares to do so, she is not safe outside in the dark. Any man she comes upon on the way is a potential intruder into her modesty. I don't know whether women in Bihar face a similar threat in public places. But I have seen girls in Madurai Kamaraj University in Tamil Nadu walk fearlessly and safely to hostels late at night after completing their work in libraries and laboratories. Yet I cannot expect (to see) a girl after six or seven on the campus of the university where I work. I have seen many Malayali women walk with confidence in Bangalore, Mumbai and New Delhi. But when they come to Calicut or Trichur, they become timid. Kalyanikuttys," he concludes, "despite all their claims to literacy and empowerment, are not safe in their home state."

That is a sad enough indictment coming from a man, but even more searing are the words of a Malayali woman reader, Prema Nair. "Oh dear, oh dear!!" she begins. "Are you one of those who have seen everything through the tinted lens of the acclaimed `Kerala model'? Nobody is disputing the favourable development and lifestyle indicators this state has, but please do not confuse well-being with an empowered and independent sense of being. Do we not often also confuse literacy with education?"
>>>>>>>>>


I respect women in many aspects. I respect the endearing spirit and undying energy of a girl. I respect the Mother in every woman, her undying love and forgiveness, fountain of kindness and understanding. But beyond all these basic and inherent qualities of women, I believe every woman should have that dream, that spirit to achieve. I get overwhelmed when I hear stories of successful women, rising to and above opportunities, struggling against rules and retrogressive laws laid down by men and society - there are many such great women from Kerala. And I feel utterly disappointed and sorry to hear about the woman who is willing to be forced to the "comforts" of a "happily married, child bearing and growing old" prescribed life - there are many such women too.

I pray every woman works and has a good career focus, that will help her achieve financial independence - which I believe is the core to a free spirit and freedom of choice in the present world, and will allow her to stand up more strongly against injustice.

(Statistics show 49 per cent of the women who owned neither land nor house had suffered long-term physical violence, compared with 18 per cent and 10 per cent respectively of those who owned either land or a house, and 7 per cent of those who owned both. The effect of property ownership on psychological violence is even more dramatic: while 84 per cent of the propertyless women had suffered such abuse, the figure was 16 per cent for women owning both land and a house. In other words, women’s ownership of immovable property clearly serves as a protection against all forms of spousal violence.

Equally, it provides an escape: of the 179 women experiencing long-term physical violence, 43 left home. The percentage leaving home was much greater among the propertied (71 per cent), than among the propertyless (19 per cent). Moreover, of those who left home, although 24 returned, 88 per cent of the returning women were propertyless. Few of the propertied women returned. In other words, not only are propertied women less likely to face marital violence, they are also more able to escape.)

I hope every woman in this world becomes independent so that they can stand up to injustice and wrong, and walk away from it. I hope every woman has the support to end a relationship that abuses her, without being worried about the social repurcussions and isolation, and without the fear of being branded as a "loose woman" or stories that sing "it's her fault".. *

I hope every woman dares to dream, dream beyond any perimeters set by our so called "conservative" men and push the envelopes of our hypocritic "society". *

I always tell people that "conservative" and "society" are two useless words, used very liberally as a weapon to enforce biased and confounded rules by people who really have no clue or have totally twisted views about ethics, culture or values. Kerala is the epitome of such didactic and hollow thinking. All these senseless "rules" have only created a generation and society thats monsterous and purely frustrated. Men who have no clue of morality but are merely crude beasts. Morality unguided by love, but misguided by lust; love accepted only as prescribed, otherwise branded as immorality. We have in Kerala, men immoral to the core swearing on virginity when it comes to their marriage, and some master deceivers, but nonetheless wanting to hold the torch of morality high publicly. It is only the outward "image" and "name" people are worried about, nothing else, because they lack substance within. And they want such women for life - women who will just bear their children, stay at home, not ask questions, not be independent, who wont think for themselves - while the men go about their merry ways. Keralite men, atleast a majority of them in my regretful opinion, are among the worst behaved among Indians. *

I appreciate Mrs.Nair in the above article and I hope a lot of men and women have been reading those articles in Kerala and asking themselves such questions:

Is a woman safe in Kerala?

Can a woman in Kerala wear clothes she is comfortable in?

Can a woman walk in Kerala without being burnt away by ogling men's stares or put to "shame" by nasty comments?

Can a woman travel in a public bus without being "touched", "pushed" and "brushed" around?


Can a woman feel safe at her work-place? Will all husbands appreciate their wives doing well in their careers without ego and ire?

Can a woman go alone to the movies, day or night, without being troubled?

Can a woman go to a club and exercise or have a drink(probably even a coffee would do) with her colleagues, and not be branded as a "fast and loose" woman?


Can a woman in Kerala live her dreams?


The answer to all the above questions is a big and emphatic No in Kerala.


This is evident from the day to day events that occur in Kerala, interactions from women in Kerala as well as a recent survery in Kerala. All these highlighted the one gruesome and shocking fact that in Kerala, women are abused either mentally or physically to an extent unmatched in any other state in India. *

Some of the glaring stats in the state that has nine out of every 10 women who can read and write and the state produces the largest number of women post-graduates in India:

In Kerala, 62.3% women are subjected to physical torture and 61.61 % to mental harassment at home, as compared to the national average of 37% and 33.5%.

51.7 per cent of rural women are victims of domestic torture in India as compared to the fully literate Kerala, where the figure is 68.8 per cent.

Statistics with the State Crime Record Bureau reveal that the occurrence of rape, molestation, dowry harassment and eve-teasing is growing by the year.

The psychological effects can range from shock, anxiety, fear, humiliation to `post-traumatic stress disorders.’

The female work participation rate has decreased from 15.9 per cent in 1991 to 15.3 per cent in 2001.

Every 42 minutes an incident of sexual harassment occurs. (Indian average)

56 per cent of Indian women believed that wife beating was justified in certain circumstances like neglecting the house or the children, or going out of the house without permission.

80 per cent of husbands believing that the use of force is their birthright.

Two out of every five women in abusive relationships suffer silently because of shame and family honour.

Nearly one-third of the women experiencing abuse have thought of running away but the fear of leaving their children behind and having no place to go restrained them.

Social and economic constraints further compound their sense of isolation.



I leave you with another article titled "Violence against women: A statistical overview, challenges and gaps in data collection and approaches for overcoming them" discussed at the Expert Group Meeting of the UN Division for the Advancement of Women in collaboration with Economic Commission for Europe and World Health Organization in April 2005. It is very informative and perhaps will create more awareness among the people who read this.



Violence against women: a statistical overview, and challenges and gaps in data collection and methodology and approaches for overcoming them

Expert paper presented by:
Asmita Basu
On behalf of:
Indira Jaising
Lawyers Collective (Women.s Rights Initiative)

Expert Group Meeting
Organized by: UN Division for the Advancement of Women
in collaboration with:
Economic Commission for Europe (ECE) and World Health Organization (WHO)
11 . 14 April, 2005

Geneva, Switzerland

Importance of Statistics in a court of law

Statistics should be collected to prove that violence against women exists and we as users should try to use these statistics to lay foundation for our argument as to the extent to which violence against women exist.

The courts should be presented with
- Pattern of violence existent
- Prevalence of Violence
- Cultural pattern of Violence against Women.

Studies carried out should be done in such a way so that it can be statistically and methodologically acceptable to courts.

Proper studies have not been carried out as far as Mental Violence against women is concerned. This includes psychological and emotional Violence. India is one of the few countries that has a law on Mental Violence faced by women. .


Under Criminal Law the most commonly used provision is section 498 A of the Indian penal Code which reads as follows :

Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty

Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine
.

Explanation . For the purpose of this section, .cruelty. means .
(a) any wilful conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health (whether mental or physical) of the woman; or
(b) harassment of the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable security or is on account of failure by her or any person related to her to meet such demand 1 (1985) 3 SCC 545.
The uniqueness of this provision lies in the fact that it recognizes injury that is not only physical but also mental in nature .It uses the criteria of impact and health as an indicator of the existence of violence. This aspect makes this provision one of its kind in the world today. In Civil law, .cruelty. forms a ground of divorce. Unlike criminal Law revision mentioned above, wherein only a woman in a matrimonial relationship can file a complaint, this ground is available to any person seeing the divorce be it male or female. In many cases and in may reported judicial pronouncements, divorces have been granted on the grounds of mental cruelty.

The difference between criminal law and civil law lies in the nature of proof that one has to dispel to succeed in a claim, while proof has to be beyond reasonable doubt in criminal law, a test of balance of probabilities is applied in civil law.

In our practice we have found that while physical injuries are easy to prove in court, simply because they are visible, the same is not true in cases of mental injury. While it is clear in many cases that a woman has sustained emotional and psychological injury, there are no objective criteria or standard test that can be applied to determine the extent of the injuries sustained or even arrive at a finding of the casual relationship between mental health impact and the violent behaviour of the aggressor.

Aspects of mental cruelty and mental injury are therefore, determined by the individual judge before whom the case is filed. Courts in India have defined cruelty as necessarily involving a subjective element. This implies that the judge takes into account the facts of the situation and the surrounding circumstances to arrive at a finding of mental cruelty- i.e. - whether a woman is justified in alleging cruelty in the particular circumstances. This would require an assessment of the following:
1. Surrounding circumstances- educational, economic and cultural backgrounds of the woman.
2. The physical or mental condition and susceptibilities of the innocent person
3. The intention of the offending person .
4. The knowledge of the actual probable effect of his conduct on the others health.

A perusal of the judgments in this regard shows that instead of basing judgments on the perception of the woman while deciding the case the judge applies his own perceptions. This leads to the introduction of bias, often a male chauvinistic nature of the decision. The need, therefore, is to do empirical studies based on medico legal scale that will establish a link between the mental, psychological and emotional impact on a woman.s health due to abusive and violent behaviour. These studies can be used to convince the court that for example a woman.s depression is evidence of the fact that she was exposed to violence and abusive behaviour.

The enquiry must therefore be to uncover details on the following aspects:
1. The forms of violence within the home and its prevalence. This will include physical, verbal, economic, sexual, emotional abuse and the threats to commit the same.
2. The circumstances that lead to incidence of violence- support structures in existence, the options that are available to women seeking redress.
3. Evidence of the cycle of violence that is repeated efforts to go back to a violent Relationship in the hope that the abuser will change.
4. Re enters the cycle of violence.
5. Support structures e.g.: the natal family of the woman and others who support her.

Data on these points will serve a twofold purpose- that of preventing violence and of providing adequate support to women facing violence. In the legal context such data is crucial for determining the rate of compensation to be given in a case.

Medico Legal Scale methodological suggestions
The following scales may be administered to ascertain the existence of Mental Health impact of violence.
a. Hamilton rating scale for depression . this is a 24 item scale which gives information about the severity of depression
b. Beck.s hopelessness scale . This is a 20 item scale which gives information on the extent to which the respondent experiences hopelessness
c. Scale for suicide ideation . This is a 19 item scale which qualifies and assesses suicidal intention.


Thus in order to study the link between the mental consequence and violence the following interviews should be conducted.
a. The attribution interviews . This a semi structured interview where the research assistant will interview the victim on the factors that she attributes as the cause of her mental condition.
b. The domestic Violence questionnaire recording prevalence of violence will then be administered to the victim.
c. A second attribution interview will be attempted after the domestic violence questionnaire is administered to elicit information of relevance to the project where spontaneous reporting at level 1 is not forthcoming.

Data Analysis
The acquired data shall then be analyzed in the following groups
1. Where there is spontaneous reporting of Domestic Violence
2. Where Domestic Violence is affirmed after probing
3. Where there is no Domestic Violence.



A lot of instances reveal that there exists a bias amongst judges in concluding whether a woman is believed as far as the existence of violence is concerned. The only way to eliminate such biases is through demolition of myths that women lie about violence and that they tend to misuse the law

On the of 2003, Justice J.D.Kapoor of the High Court of Delhi delivered a judgement in Savitri versus Ramesh Chandra and Others. It reflects a trend in legal thought that gender specific laws are being misused by women, that therefore offences such as section 498A of the Indian Penal Code should be made bailable and non cognizable of better still, be removed from the statute book.

Women of superior intelligence are generally torn between their femininity and their intellectuality. They are obsessed with the development of their career to such an extent that they are forever absorbed with the self. It is mostly women who hold managerial or professional jobs who suffer from this syndrome, as they tend to lack the willingness to compromise. For them, even rearing children or raising a family is not a social obligation.

A situation in which a woman considers herself intellectually superior is sometimes fraught with danger as there is always a likelihood of such a woman being fascinated by a person who is more capable than her husband. This can rend the marriage from cornice to foundation..

Sexual violence in marriage
Rape is an offence, which hinges on the absence of consent of the woman. It is important to realize that the absence of consent does not have to be only in the form of the word .no.. It should be assumed from the context of the situation. Within a marriage, if a woman gives consent to sexual intercourse because of threat of injury to children or herself, depriving the woman of the right to stay in the house or receive maintenance, it is not valid consent. It is still rape.

The offence of marital rape has not been sufficiently accounted for in the law. The law does not punish rape within marriage if the woman is above fifteen years of age. Forced sexual intercourse is an offence only when the woman is living separately from her husband under judicial separation/custom. It must also be remembered that situations of marital rape occur within the confines of the home, and therefore there are often no witnesses to the crime.

Till now the concept of Marital rape has not been recognised. We have been lobbying for a law in order to make it an offence but for this we firstly need to collect statistics of rape within marriage.

Measure of Cultural Specific forms of Violence
Use of abusive language is cultural specific. We need to map such specific instances which causes psychological and emotional damage and leads to depression, anxiety and suicide. However for this we need to determine scales that are to be used. Some countries have evolved specific scales to determine such forms of abuse. Find notification of the government attached as annexure 1. In our opinion the scale may not be appropriate for measure of mental health consequences and impact.



* General Disclaimer

1. There are always exceptions and some of the best fathers, husbands, friends and men I know are Keralites. I am speaking from a general perspective to weed out the mentality that exists at least in a good number of people - who may or may not read this in the first place!

2. My ravings might sound like that of a preacher who just knows to criticise. That is not the intention. And I fully accept my short-comings, wrong-doings, pitfalls and the fact that I am just another Keralite.


3. I also put on record that there must be atleast one woman who thinks I am a complete idiot based on my behaviour!

4. These are mere thoughts that have risen out of interactions, experiences and research; and put here with the hope that someone will benefit out of all this.

16 comments:

Prasanth "PC" Chandrahasan said...

Thanks for the post. Kerala Women are certainly empowered and literate. It is utter foolishness to compare the situation of kerala to that of B'lore or Bombay, cities which has taken up a facade of western culture. How many have traveled to interior Maharashtra or Karanataka to find out the situation of women there. Kerala can be criticized because there is a still transparency in system and the press is still unbiased. It will be foolishness to assume that every atrocity towards women in Bihar is reported as much as it is done in Kerala.

Mind Curry said...

@ prasanth - as i mentioned in my post, kerala women are great individuals. but if you read the statistics, you will know its the men that are causing more trouble. also, if we compare ourselves to bihar and remain happy, thats exactly what will happen - remain stagnant. we have to look towards progress. there is nothing wrong with bombay or bangalore - women are just independent and happier there. it is wrong to brand any developed city as a "facade of western culture" to give it a negative tone. the simple fact is that women in bangalore or bombay are happier, more independent, more energetic, more lively and living life based on their convictions and beliefs.

thank you for commenting, and your deep insights are appreciated. debate and differences of opinion is what we want here.

silverine said...

WARNING! Long comment ahead.

I completely agree with the post.Every year from childhood we have gone for our summer hols to Kerala. From the very beginning I noticed the timidness of Kerala girls in public. It was also odd to see not many girls in public spaces. The girls who were out would be in pairs or with Husband or Moms. The moment you walk out of the house, you can feel the eyes following you, sniggering, the cat calls and hooting from guys. And God forbid if you are wearing pants! I remember a strange dislike of going out from relatives homes because of the stares and comments that you would attract. This does not happen anywhere else India with the same intensity mind you. Even in Kerala villages, you dont find the innocence that you find elsewhere in India.
The aggression of males if you are differently dressed or not timid in public is quite vicious. They will talk loudly amongst themselves making sure you hear them. The talk will be "she thinks no end of herself" or "we know how to fix her" etc. The impotent rage they feel when they see an NRK like me is to be seen to be believed. Mostly because I do not walk head lowered like most girls in Kerala. You have to be a girl to know the tight but invisible rein of control that is exercised over women in Kerala.It is a men's club all the way.

I am not saying that violence against women does not take place in other parts of India. It does, but then Kerala has a Talibanistic kind of atmosphere. The towns are a little better though.

Recently I saw a busload of a Engineering Students from Kerala on excursion at a traffic light. They were leering and passing obscene comments at us girls on bikes. It was the perfect outdoor advertising for Gods Own Country'men'!.

silverine said...

p.s. Check this out!

quills said...

For most of the questions you have raised here, the answer is unfortunately ‘No’, which is very disheartening. (Perhaps Delhi is another city we can now draw parallels to, where women have to fear going out on their own) This continues to be one area, where most Kerala men in spite of them claiming to be forward thinkers themselves, when it comes to their own women they have a different story.

I have seen many educated married men proclaim that it is the wife/woman’s duty to sacrifice their careers, dreams and aspirations for the better good and to maintain what they claim is happiness in marriage.

I have seen classmates who say they would like to date an “outgoing, smart” girl but when it comes to marrying, they prefer someone lacking “ambition”, as they feel she can better adjust to married life.

I have come across men who say they married a girl from Kerala as opposed to someone raised outside the state coz she is more “mouldable” and therefore more compatible.

Career aspirations do not in most situations lead to neglect of family life. I have seen many women, including my own mom and mothers of my friends, who have done exceptionally well, balancing both the home front and work front really well. And in all those situations, they have had a very supportive family which is the main reason for these women doing well.

Something that really irks me is how certain forms of media portray women; I am referring to Malayalam movies. How many women-oriented movies come out in Kerala? Slapping a woman is completely acceptable, and when Mamooty does that very cowardly act in ‘reel’ life, the audience goes wild (in support, mind you). Apparently, “taming via violence” is the trait of a “hero” and will once and for all, provide the answer in the affirmative to the question “nee aanu aanoda.”

However, I should also say that, I have seen many Malayali men who are the main pillars of support and encouragement for the women in their lives. And I fervently hope, that some day soon, the numbers of such men will outgrow the numbers of the un-progressive, narrow-minded lot that so far seems to be in majority and the bane of Kerala society.

Mind Curry said...

well i am glad my long post is receiving long comments!

@ silverine - i have seen it too. and i feel so ashamed about it. its terrible when the malayali guys just look at women the way they do. i have wanted to shoot quite a few down. and what you said about keralite students, or for that matter anyone visiting from kerala, is so true. its like a release of frustration for them..like dogs let loose in a chicken shed or something. just brings shame to kerala.

thanks for the link.

@ quills - you have very rightly pointed out the extreme double standards people have in kerala. i have seen men in the clubs, drinking and commenting about someone elses wives and then talk nasty things about women who go there for a swim or exercise. i mean these are every day instances in kerala, but somehow these have created such a deep and horrible imprint in my mind.



@ everyone - i am not saying i am the greatest keralite alive. i have had my own share of narrow mindedness. and with each passing day i am able to see things from a better (i feel) perspective. and thats the only thing i am trying to do here, give a better perspective..from which we can all learn, including myself.

quills said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
quills said...

Thanks mindcurry for bringing out into the open, well known, but ignored realities of our state. Only through eye opening articles like this, can people at least make an attempt to change this pathetic situation in our hometowns.

Maya Cassis said...

It is an absolute disgrace as to how women are treated in India and especially in Kerala.Being brought up in a family of three sisters,we were taught to be self confident and self sufficient.We were told that women can do anything that men can..equality blah blah...As I grew up I had to face the wrath of all the males in my family as my sisters as I tried to cut loose from the social norms,the predominant male ego took a severe beating.It was totally absurdity to watch the idiocy and arrogance of the same women and Men!! who raised us to believe in what we should be believing.
Utterly preposterous community-is the one we women have to face.You have to stand up for your rights and beliefs.They will mar you,they will disgrace you...they will even try to kill you just to save the family reputation...And this happens only in the case of girls.
and then there is this so-called group of people who believe they respect women and they have reformed but it's all a farce.They should have respect flowing in their veins.it doesn't need to be made to happen.
I hate the freaking society.They just try to bring you down on your knees and beg for forgiveness.I just have one thing to say to them-Get the hell outta our lives and stay out!!

Anonymous said...

Rem when people said - change starts with dialogue. Every woman is subject to the things mentioned in different intensities. So i suggest - women rally together for WORLD DOMINATION! :D

- Roopa

Mind Curry said...

@ comment deleted - its ok, just do it!

@ quills - yes, the situation can be best described as pathetic. i always relate kerala to the movie "the village". am sure the mallu blooded m. night shyamalan didnt have to look too far for inspiration!

@ maya - i just cant figure out how people can live an entire life based on absurdity.

@ roopa - i would think a better solution is to make sure every woman has the support, courage and independence to stand up to her rights and wishes. a rally sounds too "keralish", and you would go into oblivion among the other rallies. unless you are planning for violence, stone throwing and all.

Mind Curry said...

@ everyone - just a note that its interesting to note that for this post, only women are having deep insights. except for one gentleman, PC, who quite disagreed with my views - but still the comment is very much appreciated, and its great to know he took the pain of reading the damn long post.

Roopa said...

I didnt mean rally in protest - "world domination" meant in jest. Change is imminent, for malyali women it will only come with independence - sadly I do mean monetary independence.

Mind Curry said...

@ roopa - true, even i believe financial independence is the most important thing in life. sad but true that the world revolves around money. i was also kidding about the rally.

CruiserDeep said...

I thought of sharing some facts as below. Though specific in its scope I would like all of you to know that there is a yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saveindianfamily/ and websites like www.saveindianfamily.org ; www.498a.org ; www.mynation.net which fights for justice for the Victim families falsely implicated in Harassement and Dowry laws(IPC 498a).

The scope of misuse of these laws are such that, any one(gender,economic status,education,age no bar) who is reading this message right now could be arrested by police just on the basis of a wife's statement. Please visit the above sites to know more.

Ramesh said...

Hi,
I agree with most of what you have said, as far as the statistics are concerned I am a bit worried.Its alarming.Most of the men in Kerala indeed think of woman as mere objects.I have lived in russia for about an year.Even though there women work more than men and more independent, when it comes to domestic violence or more precisely girlfriend abuse(because marriages dont stay here for long)the place is really bad.So, from what I have seen, there is no equal status for men and woman anywhere in the world.If some one consider United states as the epitome of speech and freedom when it comes to rights ,its not a nice picture there either.Now going by stastistics, about 70% of men and woman were married in the 60's, but now it has come down to less than 50% in the US.(reference Wikipedia) If it can be considered as an indicator of progress may be we should also look forward that.Again being a malayali male myself I will tell the psyche of a typical mallu "country" guy. He get to see boys and girls falling in love in movies ,novels books, even in the text books and expects to find those things to happen in real life.He also sees a lot of behind the curtain extramarital affairs happening around him, though neither the press, nor the women rights group or the mens rights group will never come out acknowledging this reality.He sees all these things and expects that women young girls could be approached only for his pleasures.When this doesnt appen in real life it leads to frustration and that is vented out as leering, vulgar comments ,"brushing in buses etc.Basically what I want to tell is that our society is a sexually frustrated one.Frankly how many so called liberated and enpowered kerala women would like to experiment with sex?Would they like to live a life with out the support of a family, as it is happening in the west in many cases? Are they willing to sacrifice their family for the sake of career?Do they mind having the label of a divorcee and yet live with it?Do they have the guts to come up against violence? Do they have the courage to marry a guy whom they love rather than the choice shown to them by the parents.And If your marriage fails with the guy whom you loved , do you have the courage to accept it and yet carry on with the life?In most cases the answer is a big emphatic no.So My point is there is no amount of education that can change the primal attitude of man to a woman.I only consider the human race as a highly evolved animal species.But the basic animal instincts remain there and in the animal world the control is always for food,shelter and sex which when translated to human terms become money and women.Now what woman can do is to decide their own life by all means but be ready to accept the packages, good or bad as it comes, again as they say "Like a man" But then again Amazingly the so called men aso lack these in most cases. I was just putting down my thoughts in a random manner, so one may need to read twice or thrice to understand. As far as I am concerned I donot belong to the category of leering and brushing men. But I do discuss such problems with my wife, whom I consider vey dear to me.

Have a nice day

Ramesh

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