Ente Bajjett

I would like to present my personal bubble for the year, without predijuce..and pride. This year, I dream..sorry..I propose to build 5 new residential complexes worth Rs.26.47 crores. I also propose to build 10,00,000 square feet additional office space for IT at 24 different locations around my home, some of which you may be hearing for the first time, at an investment of Rs.1233.99 crores. I will decide later what to do with the 5,00,000 square feet which is already constructed but lying empty as there are no takers. Together this can create direct 5,00,000 jobs and over 10,00,000 indirect jobs (neighbours who dont mind working, please note).

I am allocating 50 lakhs for the welfare of my kitchen employees association, gardening and labour union, and drivers committee, as per the demands of their leaders, all of whom never work but still make demands. I promise to give some of them rice at Rs.2 and sell the balance at double the reserve price in the grey market. I am also imagining an airport in my backyard and also propose a metro rail system around my house, at an investment of Rs.9453.72 crores. I am also keeping aside Rs 14 crores to engage a consultant to study once again a byepass from the top to bottom of my plot and also the port I have been discussing since 1974. A few other projects which my predecessors and I have promised over the last several years worth a few thousands of crores will also be executed this year magically.

I have stopped sand mining, banned online lottery, and monopolised liquor sales for everyone else in my house, but these can be my sources of revenue. The chain of bars I own, which is the only one allowed to sell liquor officially, makes thousands of crores of profit every year. The addicted locals have been drinking so much on any and every given occasion, and so it is apt to give some money back for their health and maintain them as loyal customers. Also, there is too much ill talk about our locality becoming a hub for drunkards and liquor lobbyists. Ridiculous!. For this I plan to set up deaddiction centers right next to my bars, so that nobody will know which line my customers are in.

My conscience asked me who will protest if I hike the tax on alcohol and tobacco to maximum, instead of simply saying they are harmful to health, and reduce levies on healthcare, medicine, water, food and vegetables..I pretended not to know. I recently created an ad to promote my lotteries, with kids in it. I hope it will send the oppossite signal and will not inspire my kids to start gambling. My conscience asked me if lottery online is gambling and lottery offline is fine? I said I dont know.

By the by, my bank balance is still negative. I dont have a decent job despite being 100% literate! And I am relying on my brother to go to work at my neighbours office and send me enough money to sit idle and drink, and for my children's education. I have loans worth Rs.23,119.71 crores. I feel I am being ignored by the central..I mean, my parents..although they have provided me everything until a few hours back and I have turned to them for every need. I will ask my cook, gardener and driver to protest anyhow!

Anyway, all the above, and more, can be done if things go well and you vote me back to power..what am I saying..I meant if you continue to appreciate my jokes and say lovely things about me. If not, we will see how the next person who comes instead of me will manage all these very minor deficits and better the promises I made. LOL! Thank you, thank you.