Today, reading an investigative report by a well-respected TV anchor, in a leading Malayalam daily, compelled me to write this post.
The lady in question, decided to check out how safe women are in the capital city of God’s Own Country. And no surprises, the answer was as predicted. We are not. And the worse part is we are not talking about late nights. The writer along with a few other journalists who kept to the background, but stayed around as a much required precautionary measure, was accosted by men from varied walks of life, young and old, with lewd gestures , suggestive remarks and uninvited invitations at a time of the evening, when most businesses had not even shut shop. The interesting fact is that, these incidents took place not in a deserted part of town, but in prime spots with people including cops standing around.
I have to admit reading the article has left me in much despair. I was hoping against hope, that as years go by, we the so called literate people in Kerala, would let go of our worst tendencies and really begin to respect women and act in a noble manner. Alas! This article in the papers today has served to correct any false notions I had.
I am forced to conclude that no woman is safe any time of the day in any city in Kerala. And believe me, it has nothing to do with the way you dress, act, your age, looks or any other characteristic. And I can prove it with examples and many of you reading this post may have similar instances to narrate. In a supposedly conservative society, where traditions are upheld, and where even dating is considered taboo or even downright offensive, I would think, women are given a bit more respect, than looked upon as mere sexual objects. But then the ever increasing and varied parlour scandals, the popularity of semiporn flicks running for ever in local cinemas, and the fact that women are not safe in this city of ours, should be an indication that all is not well in God's Own Country. The narrow minded and lewd attitude of some men in our state is to be really pitied. The sad part is some of these people are even educated and should know better, but that does not prevent them from acting in this vulgar manner.
Any woman traveling alone becomes a target of these nasty few. Even if they do not physically hurt you in broad daylight, being stared at by these morons is equivalent to being disrobed and violated. And if you are not careful, you would soon find yourself approached by these inquisitive men, who after observing you for some time, feels is their right and privilege to inquire about what you do, where you go, who you with and what not.
Isn’t it time that the law intervened and something can be done to make our city safe for all the women again? Why do we have to curb our outings for fear of these cowards? We need the right to complain without fear of backlash, and the administration should see to it that these perverts are nabbed and jailed and never let out or taught a lesson they will never forget in their lifetime? Are we to continue suffering in silence? I can only hope and pray that it will not be the case.
THE 'SAVE KERALA' INITIATIVE
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Safe City or Just a Dream
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52 comments:
reminds me of a certain species of wild monkeys i saw a couple of months ago on discovery channel, where the males abuse and mistreat the females, and use them only for sexual gratification, at their will. if you compare the keralite men, they are at par with these monkeys in terms of sexual frustration.
i have witnessed these kinds of instances during the time i have spent in kerala, even as a child. i feel like throwing up the way some of the men behave. i even have personal accounts of women being ill-treated, but are forced to suffer in silence. they are really gruesome stories!
we hold on to terms such as conservative and traditional, but what goes on behind the scenes is brutal and animalish behaviour! its strange then how we try to project ourselves as 100% literate!
well written!
Really nice post and so thought provoking too! A recent survey by a Delhi newspaper revealed a startling fact, that most eve teasers and gropers were married men!!
I don't know what drives men to do such things when no girl likes to be approached. Is this force of habit or just hormones? Why indulge in this mostly futile activity?
I am afraid change will not happen unless we teach the human male from a young age to respect women.
Great post Quills.
Where do we begin and where do we end,my dear Quills.
Even with twelve body guards in tow,the leery eyes of a filthy mallu guy is something that cannot be erased!period.
I think there is something seriously wrong in the kerala males' cerebral hemispheres..and this time I am not kidding.
just do not know what is wrong with these people......
Teach them a lesson they won't forget for their life...
Now there is an option that will reduce such atrocities, at least in some percentage.
I think, the problem is that these people know that no one will correct them when they are doing these acts. That is the problem. As has been illustrated by Alex.
-kajan
Quills, Excellent topic!
A few months back, I had an argument in Kuttan's blog regarding the very same subject. I argued that these Kerala Youngsters are Sex Crazy. The oppositon was they are not sex crazy, but sex starved!!! The same thing should be said here. The guys looks at any women, be it a 12 year old kid, or be it a 55 year old lady, they don't let them pass without a nasty once-over with their eyes. Or may be a twice over!
This menace is nothing new. Even before the globalisation and easy access to porn and internet, this prevailed. In my collage days I still remember guys who boasted about their "Jacking" escapades. Sorry for my blunt language, but Jacking is a term those guys used to explain how they groped, touched or molested ladies on a crowded bus. I once was (I was only 17 years old then) sitting in a bus crowded with College / School going kids. It was crowded with girls till the back door. This guy was sitting, extended his feet till he reached the last girl standing, and started scratching her leg with his toe. He was sitting in an awkward position inorder to achieve maximum reach! I don't know what happened after that because I had to get down at that stop!
Here are some methods employed by the "poovalans"
1. Jacking (Earthing)- Grope in a crowded bus. These fellows always stand right behind the ladies seat.
2. Teasing. Ususally done by a group. Alone, they are the quintessential "DEcent Mallu". When he is with his boisterous friends, he transforms into a teaser, who explain a girl's anatomy to HER.
3. Bump-in. Mostly done on crowded streets or narrow Allies. As a woman pass by, he collide with her, trying to get a feel of her bosom. But most of the time ends up with the shoulder.
There are many, but this place is not one to elaborate on it! It is too vulgar.
I have witnessed many an incident and once or twice tried to rescue the girl. But invariably, the local gang as they are, I had to retreat fearing physical violence. No other passerby ever came to MY RESCUE!!
trouble happens with generalisation..
All men aint bad and all woman aint good as well!!!..
Shame it happens in the state that prides itself to be gods' own country!!
@mc: Thanks MC. I appreciate your support and am glad there are men like you who actually care about the rights of women and want to make a difference.
You are absolutely right in your comparison, but at least those wild monkeys are not educated enough to understand otherwise. The morons who stoop to such low levels in our state have no such excuse.
@silverine: Thanks a lot. And I am glad you followed up with a brilliant post of your own. And I would say it is the force of habit brought about by utter disrespect and lack of concern for their fellow human beings of the opposite sex.
@maya: So glad to see you here. And I can't agree with you more on this topic. You are so right about the sad fact that even with people around us, these creeps dare to behave so vulgarly. I remember a friend of mine who stamped on a guy's feet in a crowded bus, because he would not stop fingering her. Thankfully the conductor was a good man and immediately stopped the bus, by which time the pervert had got off.
@alexis: I agree with you. It is our inability to react, but even if we do, there is hardly anyone who would support us in this. Every person seems to be too scared or just too unconcerned or powerless even if the deplorable act takes place right in front of their eyes. Thanks so much for voicing your thoughts and support on this issue and I am glad you stood up to those miscreants. Well done Alexis!
@kajan: exactly! These guys should not be allowed to get away. I mean even today in the paper, a few guys who were caught in the act by plainclothed cops, were allowed to conceal their identity in the picture. I say, expose such people to the public so that they never committ such acts ever again.
@shinu: Thanks Shinu. You are right about age being no bar as long as you are a female. It is really sad. I applaud the writer (Parvati)in the daily who brought this topic once again to the forefront and chose to actually demonstrate how bad it has become for women in Kerala. And I am glad all of you in your own little ways have tried to stop these atrocious acts from being committed.
i am in delhi now and my mallu friends and i keep getting astonished how men behave to women here...in tvm wherever i go there are eve-teasers, anti-socials who get into their perverted acts in city buses, what not...here nothing anywhere close to that...and its such a pity we say we are so much more educated.
we have discussed this at large and think it has to do with the over conservativeness that we want to preserve in kerala and this has led to a pseudo-society creeping up...
the only 2 factors i can point fingers at is gor young people they need to be given more freedom to hang out and not having to be scared of society and for married folks i guess there is a very high percentage in our society who live thru unhappy marriages and dont have the courage to get any counselling.
good post...you clearly enunciate another situation where kerala is going to the dogs!
I remember someone telling me that once an outlander female crosses into Kerala, they immediately register a "change in the vibes".
Maybe it's like Fangorn Forest in Middle-Earth..... there's "something in the water" here that breeds a Clinton in every Mallu male. ;)
Good and thought provoking post.This is one issue that makes me ashamed to a malayali.When will our people behave with civility,giving respect to women was always a part of culture and it seems the new generation has lost all its morals.I would blame the movies and the TV serials for the menance,youngesters exposed to such ridiculous stuff often try to take it to a practical level and quite often goes a step further.Such type of behaviour is simply unacceptable.The solution to the problem lies in creating awareness right from the school level.Haryana or UP i dont know which one has opened a toll free number to support women at need, on dialing the number a women constable attends the phone and provides the required help which inculdes sending a police jeep.Also useful will be the deployment of women constables in civillian clothes to nab the frequent offenders.Anyhow this uncivilised,crude and embarssing menance should be weeded out from our society.
Cheers !!!
george
read a news item in the paper today that kerala police has deployed "shadows", a team of cops in civilian clothes, at all public places particularly to catch men who trouble women. good news and hope it is some deterrent.
perhaps we should deploy a team of gougers to pull out eyes of idiots who ogle and drool and pass lewd comments.
The problem is that Kerala is still a very patriarchic state, even though we talk about increased female employment. People are educated but what use is education without ethics or values? Humans are equal, and it would be a shame to say that men are superior to women.
@MC: the shadows operate only here in kochi,anyways it will keep a check on atleast some of the perverts.
cheers!!
george
Well I am a mallu male who lived in the Gods Own Country for 26 yrs.I can tell you this problem is of the heart and mind.It has nothing to do with ability to react etc.(it may to some limited extent.)The lust(strong desire) for women exists in an normal mans heart.This takes perverted forms like groping etc. due to images and the inputs he recieves..pornography being main.Can any male(or for that matter female nowadays) say truthfully that they have not looked at pr0n.?pr0n debases women to the point of oobjects.The dances in teh TV and media advts and films and guy talk slowly build a distinct notion of women...maybe many successfully supress it.(all or most men experience this).The more you feed your mind with these material,the more it behaves that way.If you want the situation in kerala to go..it should be a free sex society like West where teenage boys & girls date and satisfy themselves.Since this outlet is not there ..I dont think this problem will go..this problem is not directly comparable with Metros like Delhi,Bombay where the class of the population which migrates there is very different than a typical kerala town(Idle mind is devils workshop-old proverb).Given a chance 90% or more men (all over the world) might consider a relation with a women other than wife.So groping,vouyerism,exhibitionism etc are different symptoms of the fundamental problem in most peoples heart..(esp men - whose sexuality is driven by sight) rather than touch,talk etc(for wommen).It takes a virulent form in Kerala because it has a huge pr0n market(as any Indian and they will identify malllu pr0n flicks or A actress inn Mallu films)and the conservative nature of society.The disconnect between reality(consevativism) and fantasy(thru pr0n) produces tension.The product of this is such perverted behaviour.
displaced_mallu
@mathew: True we cannot generalize and definitely not doing that either , but just pointing out about certain sick psychos that roam our land.
@anand: :) Outlander or inlander it does not really make a difference to the said morons. Does it?
@jiby: I am sure, nowhere but in Kerala can we see this level of disrespectful behaviour to women. Although we claim to be the ones who are ultra protective of our womenfolk and conservative. I have not really visited or spend much time in the cities you mentioned, but I take your word for it.
@george: You are absolutely right. It makes me see red when I see or hear about these kind of unfortunate events.And I think you really have some good suggestions as well. Something really should be done so that Kerala women can go about their daily lives without fear of being probed, robbed, groped and what not.
@mc: yeah I read it too. I am glad and I like your suggestion even better. I know it sounds wild but then when dealing with uncivilized morons, only drastic measures may work. Or perhaps the caning methods employed in Singapore (which until now I always thot was too harsh) might work here very well for these kind of incidents.
@alex: I agree with you. First of all our society should stop having separate rules for men and women. Along with the empowerment of women, the men also have to be educated..and that not as adults but right from when they are young.
@anonymous: Thanks for the comment, but I have to disagree with you. If it were due to what you say and what according to you is the fundamental tendency in every man's blood, then we would have a state full of gropers and perverts and no woman would have ever survived here. We are talking about some real perverts here, who due to lack of better sense and judgement and total disrespect for women, and who have absolutely nothing to justify their indecent behaviour. It has nothing to do with having a free society and all. I think first of all there is a huge misconception about the West. Like you say, I do not find the West full of people with loose morals and what not and being able to realize their sexual desires early on (which again is a very personal choice) is not the reason that there are less incidents like the ones here. In some instances I feel they are even more conservative than we are. And dating does not mean satisfaction of sexual desires. There are umpteen young women and men in the West now, who refrain from sex at an young age, cause they choose to wait for their one true love or or until they are mature enough to understand the consequences. I have lived in the West for a few years, and I have never felt uncomfortable even when taking the subway late at nite or in an extremely crowded train. I have never heard any of my North American friends, ever talk about being stared, or groped or probed while traveling alone. We cannot and we should never offer any justification for the deplorable tendencies of a few perverts in our state, and then generalize it to the entire population of men in the state. There is absolutely no reason on Earth, why these idiots behave like this, except for their lack of culture and any social sense.
@ quills - well said..great replies to some of the responses here.
@ anonymous aka displaced mallu - though your comment is written as if its a very well known research finding, i think its far away from reality.
i agree mallus are generally a frustrated lot and most of them have huge porn collections, and no wonder our cinemas run full houses with adult movies..its all a shame!
but i dont think all this has anything to do with what quills was talking about here.
first, it will be great if these so called "mallus" realised that there is a lot more to a male-female relationship than sex or the physical aspects. i think this is the single biggest flaw in keralite thinking. as far as keralites see, a man and woman can only be together for the sex. it can never be about being friends or having any other kind of healthy interaction. this, in my personal opinion, is not because of porn, but because right from childhood, such misconceptions are driven into your mind.
the fundametal flaw, again in my opinion, is that marriages are seen as a social necessity for continuing the race or family name. it is only for reproduction or bearing offsprings. and it is from this flawed thinking the guys think that women are there only to bear children or in their terms, for sex. you can see the same thinking ascribed to our every day life. if a guy and girl is seen together in kerala, the immediate reaction is that they are sleeping together or that theres "something going on" types. right from childhood, you are taught to think that being with the opposite sex is abnormal, improper, unlawful etc..unless ofcourse you are lawfully married by the "society". you grow up with guilt if you talk or be friendly with the opposite sex. your friends make fun of you. the strangers at the bus-stop or restaurants look at you with accusing eyes if you are in the company of the opposite sex.
and it is from this sick and illiterate fundamentally flawed upbringing of the keralite, these kind of behaviours crop up. and porn is just an extension of the guilt laden youth.
if we are brought up to accept male-female relationship as more normal, and if we see marriage as something borne out of love and liking than a mechanical social milestone, we will have more men treating the women right and with respect and love.
and i totally agree with quills about the tendency to accuse anything and everything "western". its again the most crappiest and uncultured keralite thinking that anything western is bad, or westerners have no morals! i think they behave, display and have more morals and values than most keralites. atleast they have the basic human values like respect (for women included), kindness, honesty, sincerity etc. and if they have sex, they dont feel shameful or guilty about it and nor is it by abusing women. in kerala, we rape, we molest, we grope and then call ourselves conservative, orthodox and god knows what! the same keralites who accuse westerners of immorality are probably more immoral than anyone can imagine. just that they hide and just project images of morality. i feel trying to dismiss our flaws by accusing someone or something else, is again a typical malayali reaction.
@Mid Curry: That was an awesome observation MC. You just got to the root of the problem. Kudos!!!
unfortunately I think your views are far from reality..I have been living in a campus in the US for some time now(which is incidentally in Playboys list of top twenty party schools in the US).I read the campus newsletter most days and the problems mallu women face in Kerala are there here to some extent also though in different forms..they have different dimensions..there is a pregnancy counselling centre on campus and many more around and they publish the stats of teh cases they handle.Date rapes,assualts,groping all of them are here also..but because the country has a strong law ..it doesnt come out as groping but more as date rapes.(here they put u in jail if they catch u urinating in public..this is the number one source of arrests oncampus drunk men peeing..in such a nation where public law enforcement in very good..men will fear to grope..but they still ogle..I have seen with my own eyes...American men oggling ladies here just as mallu males.(on a side note -When I came hee intially I had a hard time looking off the revealing outfits..they dress provocatively here with things like very low shorts with the backside written "like it?" or some other sign.)(maybe they are more discreet in this than mallus- agreed ..but they ogle and I see this everyday on campus with my own eyes).This is the same in Saudi arabia or muslim countries..where u might loose your hand if you grope but the opportunity is limited because of physical segregation.But there they have misar marriages (in one form leaglised prostitution..u can look up wikipedia) and the wealthy get away with rape etc..by buying witness.
The stats I mentioned are from a survey done across men from different nationalities.I have read this long time back and unfortunately I cannot cite the ref now.I have also talked to a number of professional counsellors..lust is a problem most men struggle with in varying amounts of time at varying stages.
Sexual frustration is at the root of the issue to some extent.Guys who havve a loving an sexually satisfying relation with their partners generally will not do this unless they want some "Extra excitement" - this is where other forms of perversion like SM etc. also come.
What I was trying to say is this..
there is I believe law of conservation of sexual lust..if like a ballon..if you squeeze(close an avenue for outlet) it will pop up somewhere else.
Here,(where I see crowds emptying out of strip clubs just 10 mts drive from my place and one of my friends who went to a lap dance club in Vegas for $40 and obviously groped with consent :) ) there is a huge legal outlet for sexual lust/frustration.strip clubs,hardcore porn magazines in carefully placed racks in grocery shops,bars where u can pickup some women for one-night stands or maybe a couple more without paying any money and ofcourse girlfriends who atleast offer some relief even if they dont go all the way.Can you tell me anywhere in Kerala or India where men have this outlet...
I am pretty sure that if all these "outlets" are closed here then they will turn to groping here also.
The point I am trying to make is this..men and women are in their hearts the same everywhere ofcourse to a good extent conditioned by their culture and upbringing.So mallu men are not some overrsexed horny toads wanting to do anything with a skirt on it. They are sexually frustrated because of their fantasies,the underground pr0n and the suggestive movies(as is the case world over) - and they have no outlets..(the married guys who are perverts are undoubtedly not satisfied by their sex life in marriage - we will see the new post cable TV gen(early 90s) kids unsatisfied in their marriages more..because they have seen all the pr0n and all the filth in the movies and things all women have perfect figure and are just objects and when they see real women in their spouse they will be unsatisfied..because they have already associated in their mind - orgasm (through masturbattion) with these unreal professional porn actors.
Then they will start to look for other outlets in the form of groping,prostitutes,affairs,etc depending on their bend of mind and their associations. For unmarried guys in malluland,they have no outlet..since going out with girls is not possible and their are no strip-grope-clubs/bars.I am not saying all men are like this..all men go through these stages,when they reach the point of venting their sexual feelings(ie.utlimate in some kinda orgasm.)many exercise self control and majority indulge in mastturb. a good number will turn to whores and the adventureous will turn to groping.(these incidents are later used by them to attain the big O.)I
I studied in a famous govt college back home and there I could see when the senior ragged juniors,the fav. topic was "ask that girl what she wears underneath.." and I cud see pr0n mags being read by innocent fresh_out_of_school guys and slowly get use to vulgar language which invariably references women as objects of lust..charak,piece etc..this is very common in all college throughout kerala and i suspect throughout the world.It comes as no surprise that these college students would start oggling and gropping..because that is what they feed their mind with.I have heard that girls in law college rags junior boys and use worse language than boys.
anyhow the point I am trying to make it this -
>mallus are no different inside from teh rest of the world.
>the fundamental problem is in the mind...what you feed it and how much self control a man can exhibit sucessfully and ofcourse a sexually satisfying married life.
>outlets to vent to avg man will result it in appearing in some other form.Law of conservation of sexual lust(sic.)
the groping problem is a small part of a much larger problem of sex rackets invoving minor girls(found all over India..pr0n tapes made of the abuse and distributed for hefty profits and watched by brothers,husbands and fathers of mallu women.), rapes and sexual abuse in the workplace.
You are living in a dreamland if oyu imagine "my brother,my father,husband" will not indulge in this..remember the people who are indulging in this also have mothers and sisters and wives.The people I saw in college who indulged in groping etc. some came from avg mid-class families.
displaced_mallu
I've come across this issue (eve teasing in Kerala) a couple of times in the blogosphere and I must confess to being surprised. I worked and travelled widely there for more than a year and never witnessed something like this (though I guess me being male might have something to do with it).
Well, I do hope people there get some good sense and don't let something like this tar the reputation of what definitely is the most beautiful state in the country.
@Quills: Young mallu men are notorious in tourist destinations like Ooty, Kodai, Goa etc. In fact there is a dedicated industry catering only to their depravation. I am not saying that the Tams or Kannadigas or Gults are angels, but young mallu males have begun to stand out with their behaviour even here in Bangalore.
Yes I could not agree more.I am a Half mallu and everytime I have gone to tvm I have been subjected to crude and rude stares.This happens in blr, chn and other places too..but somehow I have found that it is more so in kerala...sad but true...
nice blog!!
cheers
Just got back from 5 wonderful days in Kerala. As someone who has lived there (albeit a long time ago) and someone who researches the cultural determinants of behaviour, there are two things which I think may be of some relevance-
1) Traditional Malayalee culture is socially conservative to a pathological extreme. This translates into practically any public/partly public demonstration of affection between almost anyone being taboo. It also translates into widespread segregation of men/women in almost every arena of public interaction, be they schools, colleges, temples, churches, buses or restaurants. Equally, it translates into an instinctive and collectively unconscious suspicion of any idea that is not at least partly Malayalee in origin. Lets not forget that the Malayalee, as superficially friendly/open as s/he is, is deep down, a frighteningly xenophobic animal who values sameness above all else. This means that the social conservatism will be painfully difficult to dislodge in the coming years.
2) Paradoxically, this is coupled with a remarkable awareness of(and interest in) what is happening in the world around them. For this, they have their stunning levels of literacy, educational achievement and mass media cover to thank. Globalization has exploded this exposure tree even further.
Unfortunately, the combination creates an obvious tension. Where does the literate and worldly aware but socially/sexually awkward young Malayalee wo/man find an outlet to express a natural interest in the opposite sex? Usually, outside Kerala. But what about the ones who remain within? When you can't even talk to a member of the opposite sex without attracting odd looks, let alone hold hands in public (the horror!), this is bound to find expression in pathological ways. It's a short haul from eve-teasing to rape.
Is there an easy solution? No. To find a genuine solution, the entire worldview of Kerala society- towards normal interaction between the sexes, towards external ideas, towards deviation from the norm (e.g. that ordinary people can develop an infectious disease viz. TB or clinical depression and that doesn't make them dangerous or crazy) has to change.
This view, is of course, subjective. And only a small part of the explanation.
very true.
It's the mentality which needs to change, not the way women dress (as some ppl wrongly suggest).
Blank Noise Project (BNP) is fighting against this very attitude which has given status of normalcy to the crime of eve teasing. BNP is presently carrying out a campaign of collecting clothes in which women/girls were eve teased - only to show that these dirty minded men do it, irrespective of wat age the girl is, wat time of day it is, and wat clothes was the girl wearing.
checkout http://www.blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com
kerala is a backward state . i guess people there behave like that .
Kerala is not a backward state. Any fool who says that has never been to bihar, Uthranchal, Jharkand, Orrisa, and Northern Andhra Pradesh. Kerala Is heaven when compared to these states. Now back to the Problem
Its our people that are misled.
And I mean in its absolute terms.
We as a soceity have lost the ability to solve problems. Learning by precedent is how civilization has evolved over the centuries. Our inability to accept social change is one of the prime cause of sexual violence in the State. Just imagine this scenario.
1) Government legalises prostitution
2) Brothels are protected and taxed by the State.
3) Thugs and Gundas will loose the job of protecting the brothels and sex trade.
4) Only Women and Men of consenting age will enter the proffesion
5) Since the Sex workers are regulated they will have to undergoue strict medical checkup.
6) Illegal Drug trade reduces since the Goondas have been reduced to insignificance.
This is exactly what the Amsterdam tried in the YEar 2000 and it worked.
Why should it not work in Kerala
acknowledging the fact that prostitution exists in the state is a
Great discussion on this subject. I agree with all views expressed here. all has truth to it and together make up the larger reality in this matter.
Having also went through a U.S college, I can attest to what displaced_mallu is saying. This is a worldwide issue with men. But one had to conclude, fundamentally there is something different in the way girls are harassed in kerala/india. In kerala, men do it publicly without any 'koosal' and neither law enforcement nor culture are there for the girls.
Oh.. here comes my favourite topic - sexuality
I agree to displaced mallu in almost everything that he said. Only I would add we are more pathetic than entire india , except delhi. But then, I don't consider delhi to have any civilization.
Recently, I was looking for places to hide when I was told by another Indian about the ogling by Mallus in Dubai. This friend of mine said Mallus are the worst oglers in the world.
I don't disagree with him, as I myself had been one sometime ago. I must (shamefully) admit that, even I have resorted to Jacking when I was a teenager - until I became so ashamed of myself.
All that changed when I started understanding women. As soon as I realised that what I did is something women don't like, I changed. Now, I don't look at any girl for long unless I am convinced she is interested.
I think it's time we started talking about this at home.
Teenage brats, girls don't like it - talk to them, it's much more fun than sex (atleast jacking).
Married men, try to get your sex life right, else you will die an unhappy man.
Ladies, Please help us. Atleast don't take your loved ones for granted. They also may be victim to this ugly habit.
Truly, Almighty
Anon;
Yes there are many outlets for men in US, like night Clubs, One-night stands and they treat sex as a casual thing. But Here in Kerala, the subject is taboo and all these young men grew up to constant warnings about "that little thing" and how touching it would get you illness and why don't minlge with girls / Boys. The questions about sexuality / sexual organs are not answered. And THAT's another reason for our men to behave properly. There was a study few years back in which the researchers found that the more one participate in sex, the more he crave for it. I still remember their example and qoting it verbatim.
"If there is a brawl about a football match, the spectators are the ones who take part in it, not the players." & "How a loss or Win transforms the viewers metality (modd) etc.
The ultimate release of pent up sexual energy is in the climax. But as far as I know, strip shows and night clubs doesn't allow this, albeit for a minority. If 100 men watch a strip show, how many of them can get that stripper?
Nothing is an excuse for our pathetic, commercialized view of female species. Nothing can justify these atrocities against them.
Check this out...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction
http://www.msnbc.com/news/443437.asp?cp1=1
http://www.virginiapregnancy.org/teenfacts.html
This website is about teenage sexual activity in one of the US states.
are you people(mindcurry and quills) not in this world..dont think having western friends and lived in US makes u aware of the culture here..staying in an office does not bring u into contact with real life for taht you have to come to camppuses and talk to avg.american.
The situation here is not at all comparable with India..where maybe 10% of boys or less have any sexual encounters initiated by themselves(not abused) by age of 15.
I am happy our society(malluland) is conservative.I am sure an conservative society will be hypocritical..but it wont be like free sex societies of Europe and US where a good majority of children would have already had thheir first intercourse before they are 19.What a pitiable state.I am 100% sure that our society has not degraded to such a point.
I pity your opinion Quills that sex iis a matter of personal choice..it is ..for some extremely strong willed characters maybe.Read teh Virginia site(link aboove) to see that 'per pressure' is the number one reason.It no longer is your decision - it becomes one of your peers and your hormones.What kinda personal choice does a 15 yr old kid in the US exercise when she/he breaks her virginity.
Here many americans I talk to have no qualms saying that heir parents are divorced.absoluteely no koosal.
This I am sure is the direct product of sexual revolution
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_revolution
I dont want kerala to end up like this.I wud rather it remains like it is conservative and hypocritical.
I am NOT justyfying gropers oggles,..I am dead agaginst them and I believe ta min of 5 yrs of jail must be slapped on them.that ill act as a detterent.But treat teh problem not the symptoms.Pronography,lack_of_open_discussion_aandproper_sex_Eu
like Shinu pointed out is the key to improving teh situation.
displaced_mallu
God's own Country. Devil's own people.
@ anonymous aka displaced mallu - well it maybe true that there is possibly no "let out" for the mallu sexual frustrations, which we know is enormous, but how can you justify groping and ogling as a "normal" response to that??? here we are talking about another persons rights and existence..thats exactly the point..women are not there for men to satisfy their urges.
consented physical relationships, as it happens in the "west", is any day better than this groping, squeezing thing some of the comments have described here.
if the kerala men develop enough sense to know not to "satisfy" themselves on their mothers and sisters, then that sense can simply be extended to other women too. that takes real good culture and literacy, and not the false shroud kerala hides beneath.
What kinda personal choice does a 15 yr old kid in the US exercise when she/he breaks her virginity.
what kind of personal choice does a 15 yr old kid in Kerala exercise when her neighbour or uncle abuses her? or when she walks in the streets, she is felt up by men? you should ask the girls, coz they are the victims suffering silently here!
@anon aka displaced mallu: Thanks for your observation but first of all I feel we have deviated far away from the topic at hand. This post was never aimed at discussing the supposedly ( as you claim it to be) degrading moral values of Westerners or even about sex in the university campuses abroad( but again, istead of sitting back and doing nothing about it, the authorities are at least trying to help the victims and exposing such terrible incidents). We are talking about ordinary people, women and girls in particular who have to fear going out about their daily lives. So let us compare apples to apples. How many people have you come across abroad or ever heard your women friends say that they were groped, ogled and made to feel totally uncomfortable while traveling alone any time of the day? And not even for one moment, do I feel it is because like you say, men there refrain from these types of perverted behaviour cause they have "outlets" to release their frustrated selves. It is a total lack of culture and disregard for others, that make people resort to these kind of vile tendencies. And let me tell you, we are not talking about harmless glances cast at opposite sex here. We are talking about perverts who side up to women and even young girls (age is never a factor)and engage in totally disgusting acts and unwanted attention. There is no justification for such behaviour, and these people are really sick and need to be treated.
And Mindcurry is absolutely right...what choice does a young, innocent 15 year old or in some cases even younger girls have, when they are approached by much older guys with threats in case they reveal these unwanted attentions to someone else? Only perverts engage in such behaviour and nothing less than them being caned, jailed and treated for their disgusting behaviour is, I feel, a solution even remotely close.And it is time we stop trivializing such issues, and instead of trying to shred the western culture to pieces, spend time trying to rediscover the lost values of our own.
@dazed and confused: I am glad you only saw and experienced the positive aspects of our state. And I too firmly hope and pray, that our naturally blessed state won't go to the dogs.
@silverine: sigh!!! that's truly disheartening to know.
@caffeinism: Thanks and welcome here.
@nevermind: Welcome here! Thanks for your excellent observation. And as you rightly pointed out, what these people exhibit here is totally pathological behaviour. I only hope this is something the Malayali will realize and change or take steps to bring about change.
@amitken: Thanks a lot for your support. And truly the Blank Noise Project is a worthwhile cause and I fully support such initiatives. I am glad people are beginning to take steps the right direction to bring about positive change, create awareness and stop or at least lessen these kind of monstrous behaviour.
@polpot: Kerala is not a backward state by any definition, but we have some people with backward attitudes and narrow mentality and hopefully that will change.
@grasshopper: Thanks for your comment. As you pointed out, it is the people who have to change.
@babin: thanks and you are right. The people here care least about such events and take it all as part of their daily lives.
@blogger almighty: Well, good to know you are one Keralite who has realized the error of his old ways and had the courage to speak up about it. I am sure the girls are all heaving a collective sigh of relief.
@sloganmurugan: You are a man of slogans I see. But anyway, this blog is aimed at making sure Kerala remains God's Own country.
@mindcurry: You are absolutely right!
Well said.
What I find annoying in this savekerala blog is that. At the end of the day, the discussions end where it started.
It starts with badmouthing commies, preverts, mallu society. But discussions are always in extremes.
Some are guardians of the the so-called pure mallu herritage. Others purely impractical to the extend of introducing stripbars, etc. Both grossly impractical.
Till we reach a practical middleground, preverts are going to harass women, and purists are just going to sweat their frustration out.
I think it is extremely unfair of the people who have had enough sex, to ask others to abstain from it. Let the young date, and enjoy their life. I can hold my jealousy as a punishment to my sins in the past.
Atleast, the young people (especially guys') curiosity would be quenched to an extent.
When people are frustrated, they can break any morals. Just as the hungry steal without any shame.
Almighty.
The problem cannot be countered by law ..This arises from the upbringing that we've had..From primary schools, girls and boys a segregated way too much ..And as they grow up, this segregation grows into desparation and even further..A more open culture should be promoted in schools and other institutions promoting healthier interaction between us.
have we come up with a solution yet?
Alright people! who's bringin the machine gun?
and who's incharge of the ammo? we're gonna need a lot of those (largest population and all! ) and lets go get those EMMFs...
or guess the law can help...
they should give all women this
or maybe someone should invent a device that can be concealed in the clothing or something... you touch 'em you are Effed! (will be a great business! btw)
please... lets hear more solutions...
Teenage fans of crude music have sex sooner, study finds
http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/story.html?id=fc72c5ce-def7-4f9b-8730-e39267c180af&k=28500
check this out..I wont be surprised if boys turn into gropers seeing all the raunchy dances on MTV and even the mallu channels now.
with this kinda porn
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_porn
(dont worry this is not a porn link)
men will be unable to distinguish between real and fantasy and end up in all kinds of behaviour.
displaced_mallu
the link got cut last time..
Study says teens who listen to raunchy songs have sex earlier
http://arts.guardian.co.uk/news/
story/0,,1839476,00.html
the last episode in nammal thammil (sunday - asianet) was on this.. in fact the lady in question was also part of it.. i think this sunday's episode is a continuation...
meanwhile, a couple of niggling things, do you think the men who do this are in a particular age bracket? from what i have heard and seen (tv and other media) it is usually the 'uncles' who make up the majority.. maybe it doesnt matter, but it could perhaps give a link to the solution...
also, any idea on such studies done in other places (other than delhi?) could the fact that we give a premium to the non proximity of guys/girls also be a factor (separate seating in buses, which are a regular venue for harassment) in increasing the trend?
Interesting discussion going on here. I agree with mind curry because like he said its basically how the society view a boy and a girl talking. Everything comes down to that.
People find it hard to visualise a healthy relationship between a boy and a girl. This a very sad state. There is no trust in the society.
And, i feel sad to see females treated as just objects of sex. What we need is mutual respect. Why do men always feel superior?
The mind set of men have to change and they need to have respect to the females.
Education is crucial. Society and their upbringing matter too. Mostly distorted information results in atrocius behaviour from males.
Having an outlet for lust would be ridiculous.
Life has so many stages to it. There should not be any reason to hurry. there is always a time to do everything in life. We should learn to be patient.
@swapna: Thanks. :)
@blogger almighty: Don't get annoyed, get even. :) I do not think in any way, this blog aims to put down one section as opposed to another. We all have different opinions and perspectives, but ultimately the one common interest we all have is to Save Kerala from the various problems ailing it. And what we seek is good solutions and open discussions.
@ajith: Open culture and a positive outlook is what we need. But that seems to be the hardest to find or get people to accept.
@mathew: Thanks. :) We are still trying to find a lasting solution.
@displaced mallu: I do not think in any way we can justify the behavioural tendencies of gropers and other such cowards. There will always be provocative material lying around, but if these people can lay off their own family members, I think they can show the same concern to other women in the society as well.
@manuscrypts: Wanted to see that program, but missed. I am not familiar with any studies done in other parts of the country, but I bet there are countless womens' groups doing the same.
@alex: I agree with you. Basically education and a change in the mindset and attitude of our people, may prove to be the most crucial element in bringing about long standing positive results. And that I believe is the hardest to achieve. But then, we should never give up, should we?
@shinu mathew
people like you are part of the problem. See your portrayal of the western attitudes- you have concentrated only on what so called problems the increased western sexual freedom has created. Do keep in mind that with all its supposedly correct attiudes India still has one of the worst spread of AIDS.
Conservative attitudes, esp like what they are in Kerala, make it quite frustrating for the young mallu male in his teen years and afterwards. Coupled with this is the popularity of underground films. Giventhat the choice he has even in authentic porn (Shakeela? How frustrated must the average mallu be to be turned on by an overweight elephant like her?), no wonder he loses control when he sees any girl.
Solutions? turn the mallu loose and ditch the false morality - some kind of sexual revolution.
OR
gangs to beat the guys senseless at the slightest doubt of eveteasing or such. total KLPD situation. Shinu will be happy.
Self help begins in the mind with the rocognition of a goal. Realizing the goal builds esteem. There are powerful subliminal and hypnosis tools that can help--many are free at www.mindmint.com
Self help begins in the mind with the rocognition of a goal. Realizing the goal builds esteem. There are powerful subliminal and hypnosis tools that can help--many are free at www.mindmint.com
@shari
Glad that we have more female participation in this blog.
No sane person will publically suppor this despicable behavior. We are trying to find ways to eliminate this ugly behavior.
It is easy to write them off as psychos - But just like you, each girl in kerala thinks her son or brother will never do this.
Facts are very clear for us to see - Most of them are wrong!
Almighty
Hello, I totally agree with your statement about women not being safe. I have travelled quite a bit, all on my own, and maybe I was fortunate enough not to encounter such incidents. But yes, Kerala, despite the 100 pc literacy claim, is quite a backward state in terms of morals values. Even in remote corners of the north east, women are prettyy much safe to walk about at night...and they have very little education. this goes to show that it is not the gap in the education that is causing this. there is soemthing more deep rooted, some form of frustration exclusive to the men of kerala. I have been stared at too, but as a backpacker wandering through, it is a consolation that "this will pass."
one other thing. the women of kerala should protest. i noticed despite being financially independent and educated, they were suffering from underlying sense of negativity, depression, some inexplainable fear. no body stared back at the men or replied in equally bad language. from experience i know that men tend to go away when confronted in a manner as crass as theirs.
good writing. keep it up.
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All women who use Kerala’s public transport system frequently become prey to the sexual abuse by men. Most Kerala men see women as a commodity, created by God for their enjoyment. They always ogle at girls, especially when she is alone. We stay in Gujarat for many years. Those who criticize Gujarat for its administration should find sometime and ask their mother, sister and wife that how many times they felt the aggressive tepidity of men while travelling in a bus.
This is hilarous..I have traveled all over India and I havent seen anyplace that would live up to this socially/sexually liberated shangrila image that Kerala for some reason is being compared to. Why not instead google The Kerala Model and wonder why the rest of India has nothing comparable. Reading these posts I get the feeling that many are little more
than naive full time googlers that watch a little too much Bollywood/MTV-India..lol. Some people here talk of young sexually frustrated mallu boys as if there is a better counterpart anywhere is India worthwhile of mention. Instead of throwing cheapshots at one of the most educated and accomplished states in India why not simply realize that it still has a long way to go and that the world will not likely end before it gets there.. What woud cause me conceren is if Kerala did NOT have its share of sexually frustrated boys...now would that be scary..or would it be not "animalish"..lol? That they do not have outlets for their sexual frustation is a seperate discussion, and hardly one that is exclusive to Kerala, India, or even the most urban city in the US or Western Europe. Either you are an inexperienced indian woman who had a bad experience and is here to gripe about it or a frustrated indian guy who is biting...in either case, grow up.
Kerala is a place where you have 99% literacy but no commonsense!!
I have been to may parts of the world including US and Europe. The behavior of men is more or less same everywhere, except in Kerala. May be this is one of the place in the planet where you can find the women and children are least respected. People here find women as a piece of ‘flesh’ or a sexual tool. It is too funny to watch these perverts in the street while they look at women! They work like a whole body CT scanner LoL.. Clearly they are sexually frustrated.
The fact is that Keralites are living in a fake ‘moral’ society. Women/girls are taught not to be too close with men. Arising sex scandals (there are a number of videos from internet café) show people are doing ‘things’ but only in some instances these are being caught by the public!!
Many married women continue to have sexual chat with their ‘boy friend’ through the phone!!
Many gulf malayalee wives having fun with guys around their home!! All these show our women are also not better!!
So if one compare the women and men of Kerala, both are really sexually frustrated. In US or Europe, girls and boys when they feel living together they live together and feel happy with their private life. There is no question there where can have or get my ‘sex’, so no question of frustration. In Kerala you have no freedom to do that, and this is the one basic reason for sexual frustration. And unfortunately, no one can change it. Our conservative society will not accept any kind of change in this social scenario; they are too scared to accept changes. You can watch a number of videos or movies in the TV or Cinemas about LOVE but you have no freedom to love in Kerala. If you are in love with a person then suddenly you are ‘spoiled person’ in the society. Parents decide with whom you should live (for boys and girls it’s the same). If you are in love with a person from other religion then you will face a number of problems! (Who said Indians/Keralites are not racists? This would be a mistake..). In conclusion, this behavior of men/women will not change in Kerala, unless until a society develops where the people are happy with their sexual life!
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